Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Three and Thirty Nine...

Submitted by Geezer on Sun, 2023-12-24 12:16

3 a.m. actually, it's 3:39
I'm awake and I wonder why?
I'm searching for a reason
so tired, I want to cry

A special number, is it?
I think it may portend
a time, a date, whatever
I have questions without end

I wonder if I've missed
something putting this to rest
I feel I am forgetting
although I've done my best

Why should these numbers
mean so much to me?
Are they magical, these digits
Like nine, is made by threes.

My Boy's Club numeration
from many years ago
where I had a lot of fun
a place I loved, you know

Nah, it couldn't be just that
I try again, to get some sleep
but the numbers in my head
still are there, they creep

I haven't figured out
why I wake at a such an hour
but I still wake up this time
those numbers have a power

Someday, it will come to me
I will have to keep on trying
I'll just have to go on waking
at the hour, of three and thirty nine

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
The first stanza seems a little stilted. I think it needs to be fleshed out.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
Earn A Poem Workshop 1
Contest: 
12/23 3 a.m.
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Sun, 2023-12-24 18:20

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Three and Thirty Nine" presents an intriguing exploration of the significance of numbers, particularly the time 3:39, in the speaker's life. The use of rhyme and rhythm contributes to the overall flow of the poem and helps to maintain reader engagement.

However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement. For instance, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery to help the reader visualize the speaker's experiences. The line "I'm searching for a reason" could be made more vivid by describing what this search looks like or feels like to the speaker.

The poem also seems to lack a clear resolution. The speaker's repeated questioning of why they wake at 3:39 a.m. builds up anticipation, but this anticipation is not fully resolved by the end of the poem. The speaker concludes by stating they will continue to wake at this time, but it's not clear why this is significant or what it means to the speaker. Providing more insight into this could help to create a more satisfying conclusion.

Lastly, the poem's structure could be more consistent. Most of the stanzas contain four lines, but there are a few that contain six. Maintaining a consistent stanza length could help to create a more balanced and cohesive structure.

Overall, the poem has a strong concept and engaging rhythm, but could benefit from more concrete imagery, a clearer resolution, and a more consistent structure.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

RoseBlack

Sun, 2023-12-24 15:31

RoseBlack's picture
Volunteer badge

I find myself awake at the time frequently. Often recapping the day, the month, even the whole year. It's like our minds don't know enough to let us rest or maybe there is a lesson we haven't learned yet. Well done

~RoseBlack~

Geezer

Mon, 2023-12-25 02:07

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

These numbers are specific, and I wake to them on my cable box or phone all the time. Weird huh?
Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Candlewitch

Mon, 2023-12-25 10:23

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

I believe you are right in these numbers being prophetic to you!Let your feelings lead you this time! I love the poem and these are my favorite lines:

Why should this little number
mean so much to me ?
Are they magical, these digits
like nine, is made by threes

do you need a question mark after (threes?)

*love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Geezer

Tue, 2023-12-26 00:04

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

right, I can do without the question mark after threes. Thank you for the read and critique. I missed that. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Ruby Lord

Tue, 2023-12-26 12:04

Ruby Lord's picture

Great flow and rhyme. I agree with you on the first stanza and think you may need to choose a word that has more syllables or depth to stress the effects of being awake every night at this time? Concious, conciousness, stirring, aware? Ruby :) xx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.