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The Storm

She looked out upon the ocean as the tide came rolling in,
I’d like to tell her story but where do I begin...
The mother of a child and the wife of her best friend,
Her family tree would never break but it would surely bend...

The sea looked so inviting as he pushed out from the dock,
He told her he’d be home again by three or four o’clock...
The seas can be so angry without much of a warning,
Things had changed dramatically since five o’clock this morning...

The sky as black as coal in the middle of the day,
She got down upon her knees and began to softly pray...
The sun was barely visible and the rain fell from the sky,
The wind blew out her window and her child began to cry...

A small east coast village where everyone’s concerned,
Eleven boats went out today but only ten returned...
She’s sitting in the darkness when the knock came to her door,
And when she heard the news, she fell down to the floor...

Now it’s ten years later as she walks along the bay,
He would have turned just thirty-eight upon this very day...
She smiled down at her little boy and it came as no surprise,
As she looked into his handsome face she saw his father’s eyes...

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem, "The Storm," presents a compelling narrative with a strong emotional undercurrent. The use of consistent rhyme scheme and meter throughout the poem contributes to its rhythmic flow, which is effective in engaging the reader.

However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The narrative could benefit from more specific imagery. For instance, instead of using a common phrase like "the sky as black as coal," consider using more unique and vivid descriptions that could help the reader visualize the scene more effectively.

The poem's storyline is clear, but the emotional depth could be enhanced. The protagonist's feelings and reactions are mostly told rather than shown. For example, in the line "And when she heard the news, she fell down to the floor...," the protagonist's grief is stated directly. It might be more impactful to show this through her actions, thoughts, or dialogue.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more careful use of punctuation. In some places, punctuation is missing or inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow of the poem and potentially confuse readers. For instance, the line "He told her he’d be home again by three or four o’clock..." could use a comma after 'home again' for clarity.

Overall, the poem has a strong narrative and emotional core, but could be improved with more specific imagery, showing instead of telling emotions, and consistent punctuation.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

the AI is way too worried about using a cliche or two. Our literature, social-media and everyday life is sprinkled with cliches, and euphemisms. Language has enough twist in it to resolve its' own value and is in a constant state of flux. What is cool today and tomorrow may be "old hat or passe, in a week. I think that you could maintain an even tempo with this one if you can decide where to cut and weld some of the lines. I like the story. ~ Geezer.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

This reminds me of a ballad, without a refrain. I could easily imagine this being put to music. A strong, moving story throughout. I do wonder about using the ellipsis so often, especially when the thought seems to be complete. (Possibly your trademark / style?)
Thank you!

Thank you, yes that is just my style. I get your point though and I may rethink it in the future

author comment

I'm also infatuated with them thar ellipsis, myself; they are such an easy way to indicate a pregnant pause.
anyway, that is how I think of them. I do think about using them less now, than I did before.
Yeah, the third line of the second stanza is a little stilted, how about saying something like

"Mistress Sea can get so angry, with very little warning"

A little poem for the back of a romance novel. I like that image.
Nice job. ~ Geezer.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

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