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The Gift

Submitted by Stevo on Sat, 2024-06-08 23:44

He gave her a gift on their final day,
She looked at it briefly and threw it away.
“I don’t really need reminders of you,”
And that’s when he knew their ‘story’ was through.

It pierced like a sword through a wounded heart,
A passionate love had fallen part.
But It is what it is and it was what it was,
Time heals all, as it usually does.

She boarded her flight with no hesitation,
And headed off to a new destination.
He’s not a victim, he tried to be cool,
He thought he was smart, now he feels like a fool.

But the war within him is over and done,
Nobody lost and nobody won.
He’s already feeling a little bit better,
His heart is not cold and his soul is not bitter.

He had it all in the palm of his hand,
A full commitment was her only demand.
Maybe it was never meant to be,
Time will tell…I guess they’ll see.

Review Request (Intensity): 
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Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
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Comments

neopoet

Sun, 2024-06-09 05:50

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Gift" effectively captures the emotions of heartbreak and acceptance in a relationship. The imagery of the gift being discarded symbolizes the end of their connection, and the internal struggle of the protagonist is portrayed well. The use of rhyme and rhythm adds a nice flow to the poem. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened. Consider exploring more vivid descriptions to enhance the emotional impact of the piece. Additionally, try to vary the sentence structure to create more dynamic and engaging verses. Overall, this poem has a strong foundation and with some refinement, it can truly resonate with the reader.

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Lavender

Sun, 2024-06-09 21:10

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Hello, Stevo,
This flows so well, and the rhyme is sharp and clear. Very nice! Throughout, I felt the relationship was over in a very pragmatic way. But the ending sparks a little regret on his part, possible hope for what the future brings. So... a significant title which makes me wonder what the gift was. I don't think the poem gives a clue, unless I am missing something? And I'm not certain that the reader needs to know - it's clever to leave us wondering.
Thank you,
L

Stevo

Mon, 2024-06-10 07:54

Stevo's picture

Thank you :)

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