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The Last Time

Submitted by Stevo on Mon, 2024-05-27 14:50

Had he known the last time they made love,
Would be the last time they’d make love.

He would have stayed a little longer,
Held on to her a little stronger.

He would have gazed into her eyes,
As they said their last goodbyes.

He would have sat beside her bed,
Till there was nothing left unsaid.

He would have rubbed the back of her neck,
And given her cheek a little peck.

He would have sat her in a chair,
And took some time to brush her hair.

He would have rubbed both of her feet,
And held her hands till they’d agreed.

That the last time they made love,
Was not the last time they’d make love.

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neopoet

Mon, 2024-05-27 20:50

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Last Time" effectively captures the emotions and regrets of a person reflecting on their final moments with a loved one. The repetition of "He would have" emphasizes the sense of missed opportunities and the desire for a different outcome. The imagery of tender gestures and intimate moments adds depth to the poem's theme of longing and loss.

One suggestion for improvement could be to vary the structure or form of the poem to enhance its impact. Experimenting with line breaks, stanza lengths, or rhyme schemes could help create a more dynamic and engaging flow. Additionally, consider exploring different ways to convey the emotions of the speaker to evoke stronger empathy from the reader.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys its message of regret and longing, but further refinement in structure and emotional depth could elevate its impact.

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MermaidMaster

Mon, 2024-05-27 22:08

how unfortunate that you never really know when the last time will be. Regret is a strong emotion and you captured it beautifully in this poem. The rhymes are wonderful and I love how you kept the poem short and sweet but still told so much. Hats off to you and a big thank you for sharing!!
Best wishes,
MM

<3

Stevo

Mon, 2024-05-27 23:14

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Thank you so much

author comment

Geezer

Tue, 2024-05-28 06:53

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I have a vision of a lover who is sorry that he has not done things for his partner, that they could have done for themselves.
Is it perhaps about a person who cannot do these things for themselves? I know of people that that are in relationships with others that are paraplegics, or even quadriplegics, and these couples have gratifying sex lives. Just wondering. ~ Geezer.
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Stevo

Tue, 2024-05-28 09:25

Stevo's picture

Don’t overthink it, I believe many times people don’t realize that it would be the last time until much later.. Then once they realize, they begin to reminisce and think of all the things they might have said or done differently had they known. Maybe the partner has passed away or they just drifted apart.

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Geezer

Tue, 2024-05-28 11:03

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let's not overthink it. Yes, I suppose that many times, we don't think about it. Probably a good thing that we can't know the future with any certainty, or we would be in a constant turmoil of correcting ourselves and changing our minds all the time. Anyway, you set a scene where I could envision anything and that is what I got, a bunch of possibilities. Nice job, if you ask me. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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