Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

STANDING WATCH

Submitted by William Lynn on Mon, 2023-11-27 10:53

They come from every walk of life
From every town across this land,
They pledge to serve with honor
As they raise their earnest hand.

You probably seldom see them
Until you need then come your way,
Yet they are always at the ready
Be it darkened night or sunlit day.

They guide and teach in many schools
Showing our youth which way to go,
Or responding in our neighborhoods
When tense emotions overflow.

Sometimes armed with pen in hand
To write reports or sketch a scene,
Perhaps with other weapons drawn
When a quiet street turns mean.

They may knock upon your door
To share a message sad but true,
About some loss of tragic depth
A task too often they must do.

You may never have to call them
Or hear a knock we all would dread,
Their sirens call may sound far away
Or they may be next door instead.

They are the men and women strong
Often dressed in tans and blue,
They wear a badge or sheriff's star
They stand watch for me and you.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
With all the negative news we hear about law enforcement, I think it is important to remember that less than one percent of officers disrespect their oath of office. Fortunately or unfortunately, that is a better record than we find amongst clergy. It is also important to remember that these men and women often do a job that most people would never consider doing and do it for little financial reward. Most join law enforcement because they feel the desire to serve their fellow man.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week November 26th 2023 to December 2nd 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2023-11-27 16:53

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem appears to be a tribute to those who serve in the police force or similar roles, as indicated by the references to badges, sheriffs' stars, and the tasks described. The use of rhyming couplets throughout the poem adds a rhythmic quality that aids in readability and flow.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent meter to further enhance its musicality. For instance, some lines have more syllables than others, which can disrupt the rhythm.

The poem also seems to rely heavily on telling rather than showing. While it provides a list of tasks these individuals perform, it doesn't delve into the emotional depth or personal experiences of these individuals. By incorporating more sensory details or personal anecdotes, the poem could evoke a stronger emotional response from the reader.

The last stanza, which reveals the subjects of the poem, could be more impactful if it were more unexpected or surprising. As it stands, the previous stanzas already make it quite clear who the poem is about, so the final reveal lacks a certain punch.

Finally, the poem might benefit from exploring a wider range of emotions and experiences. While it does touch on the sadness of delivering tragic news, it could also delve into the fear, tension, or even moments of joy that these individuals might experience.

In conclusion, while the poem effectively communicates its message of gratitude towards those who serve, it could benefit from a more consistent meter, more showing rather than telling, a stronger final reveal, and a wider range of emotions and experiences.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Mon, 2023-11-27 12:07

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

That being said; The one [or less] percent that do disrespect their badge or star, are vilified in the media and the whole thing is made to seem like it is a classification of all law-enforcement officers. Big headlines sell big numbers. Nice job, I get it.
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

William Lynn

Mon, 2023-11-27 12:28

William Lynn's picture

Howdy Geezer.

Thanks for commenting, I appreciate it. You are correct, of course. "If it bleeds, it leads". If we can sensationalize something, let's give it a try". If you rely on a single news source, you will never know what the truth is. People need to think about multiple points of view and not just accept the spoon fed B.S. Well, I got that off my chest.

Thanks again for commenting. - Will

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.