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Tattletales And Gossip

Submitted by William Lynn on Wed, 2024-04-24 14:23

Daffodils...those early spring gossips which come to tattle on summer every
year, are my favorite flower.

Don't get me wrong, crocus, tulips and others have been known to gossip and
tattle as well.

Every spring I listen as the flowers tell their tales, the birds vocalize their
wisdom, while the sun brings forth precious rays to offer encouragement to all.

It seems as though every season has its gossips who find it necessary to tattle
on the season ahead, also on one another.

Somehow these tattletales make me smile and make me want to tell a tale, or
two, myself.

Just a small bit of gossip, mostly true, that if believed might bring a smile.
Here's to the well meaning gossips and to the tales they tell.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly Contest 04/21/24 to 04/27/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2024-04-24 20:23

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Tattletales And Gossip" uses a unique metaphor, comparing flowers and seasons to gossips and tattletales. This metaphor is sustained throughout the poem, which helps to create a cohesive theme.

However, the poem could benefit from more specific imagery. Instead of stating that "the birds vocalize their wisdom," consider describing the sounds the birds make and how that could be interpreted as wisdom. Similarly, when mentioning the sun's "precious rays," more detailed descriptions could help the reader visualize this scene more vividly.

The line "Just a small bit of gossip, mostly true, that if believed might make bring a smile" could be revised for clarity. The phrase "might make bring a smile" seems to be a typographical error. Correcting this could improve the overall flow and readability of the poem.

The poem also seems to shift in tone in the last two lines. The previous stanzas have a more observational tone, while the last two lines are more direct and personal. If this shift is intentional, it might be beneficial to make this transition smoother.

Lastly, the use of punctuation is inconsistent. Some lines end with a period, while others do not. Consistent use of punctuation could improve the readability of the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Fri, 2024-04-26 18:11

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Hello, Will,
What wonderful personification. I can picture those daffodils bouncing their heads back and forth to one another, gossiping wildly. Great imagery!
Thank you!
L

William Lynn

Fri, 2024-04-26 23:31

William Lynn's picture

Hi Lavender.

I appreciate your comments and I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. Those pesky daffodils just can't quit their chatter!

All my best. - Will

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Candlewitch

Sat, 2024-04-27 08:29

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I love how you have captured the flowers and given them intelligence and personalities! a very whimsical poem. I love it!

*hugs, Cat

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William Lynn

Sat, 2024-04-27 10:08

William Lynn's picture

Hi Cat.
I was just out in the yard watching them sway back and forth whispering their secrets to each other. As soon as they realized I was eavesdropping, they went quiet. Next time I'll try to sneak up on them!

Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed the read. -Will

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