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Snowstorm...
Sweep the first few flakes away
No matter, soon much more
Oh no, here it comes
We will win this battle today
Shovels ready, and salted sidewalks
Tea and coffee breaks
Overtime will be allowed
Repeat those old mistakes
Mash the gas to beat the crowd
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Workshop:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-12-07 21:14
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Snowstorm" presents a vivid depiction of a winter scene and the human response to it. The use of direct, simple language contributes to the clarity of the imagery. However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme to enhance its musicality.
The first two lines establish a clear AB rhyme scheme, but this is not maintained throughout the poem. Consistency in rhyme can provide a pleasing structure and rhythm to the poem, making it more engaging for the reader.
The poem also seems to lack a consistent meter, which can disrupt the flow of the reading. Consider revising the lines to establish a more consistent rhythm. For example, the line "Overtime will be allowed" disrupts the rhythm established in the previous lines due to its length. Shortening or restructuring this line could improve the overall rhythm of the poem.
The use of imagery is effective in creating a vivid picture of the snowstorm and the human response to it. However, the poem could benefit from the use of more figurative language, such as metaphors or similes, to add depth and complexity to the imagery.
The narrative of the poem is clear, but the theme or message could be developed further. The line "Repeat those old mistakes" suggests a deeper meaning, but it is not fully explored in the poem. Consider expanding on this idea to give the poem more depth and resonance.
Lastly, the poem ends abruptly with "Mash the gas to beat the crowd". This line feels disconnected from the rest of the poem, both in terms of its content and its tone. Consider revising this line to provide a more satisfying conclusion to the poem.
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Candlewitch
Thu, 2023-12-07 17:47
Dear Geezer,
With these two lines:
Repeat those old mistakes
Mash the gas to beat the crowd
does that mean hitting the gas pedal real hard to get out of traffic? That is what I thought, but I could be wrong of course!
*Biggest Hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Fri, 2023-12-08 11:49
Yes...
it does, indeed. It seems that too many people want to get where they are going and make the mistake of hitting the gas hard to get ahead of the rest of traffic. Thanks for the read and comments. ~ Geez.
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Unca Fez
Thu, 2023-12-07 22:34
Re-trained After Break?
Those lines caught my attention, as well:
Repeat those old mistakes
Mash the gas to beat the crowd
My interpretation of them, however, was a bit different. Having commuted to the Cities forever, I always noticed that, with the first snowstorm, everyone seemed to have forgotten how to drive in snow. For some, if there were a week between storms, the skills had already vanished.
In any case, it is obvious that you've been battling snow and all that comes with it for a long time. Good job.
Thanx,
Steve
Geezer
Fri, 2023-12-08 12:16
Uh-huh...
that is it. I learned to drive in the winter of my 18th birthday and took my driving test in a snowstorm. I had spent many snowy hours sliding and driving around in a really big parking lot, and I was ready! I have now had my license for 57 years and never had a weather-related accident. Yes, people do seem to forget how to drive in the snow, from year to year. I don't know why, but maybe it's just that they are so anxious to get where they are going, that they forget to be careful. The young, new drivers are the worst though, thinking that their quick reflexes and fancy traction-control everything cars will keep them out of trouble.
Glad that you liked this, ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.