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Septembers denial!

Submitted by Leslie on Fri, 2024-09-20 08:20

Flying flippant, flailing
wild fouling.
My son tried out foot ball
a week or two.

I knew it went wrong
when he came home crying.
He gave up that summer
in some ways me too.

Next summer was hot
so he tried out for baseball.
He wanted to pitch,
but I had to work to do.

I saw a few games,
but again he was crying.
Trying to pitch
was a thing for a few.

Our family was beaten down
soon my boys chose new schools.
I tried to console
there was naught I could do

The fall came on rapidly
bringing the terror
Divorce in the family
would cut us right through.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

The Summer and Autumn of 2011 brought pain to our lives that we never had known. The day we divorced a 50 foot pine tree fell.Three weeks later my dog died too!

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content