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Roadkill (eddy styx)
Today,
while walking
along the highway,
I spied a young man
taking pictures of animals
that had been killed on the road.
and
thought of HER...
That was the moment
I first noticed
the long, thin,
t
h
r
e
a
d
of drool hanging from my lip.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-08-13 15:20
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Roadkill (eddy styx)" presents an intriguing narrative with a surprising twist at the end. The use of imagery is effective in setting the scene and drawing the reader into the narrative. The line "I spied a young man taking pictures of animals that had been killed on the road" is particularly evocative, creating a vivid image that is both unsettling and intriguing.
The sudden shift in tone and subject matter at the end of the poem, with the introduction of the drool, is unexpected and adds an element of surprise. However, it could be argued that this shift is too abrupt and might benefit from a smoother transition or additional context to help the reader understand its significance.
The use of vertical alignment in the word "thread" is visually engaging and adds a unique element to the poem. However, it might be worth considering whether this technique is the most effective way to convey the intended meaning or emotion. If the goal is to emphasize the drool, it might be more impactful to use this technique with that word instead.
The reference to "HER" is somewhat ambiguous. If this ambiguity is intentional, it effectively adds a layer of mystery to the poem. If not, providing more information about this character could help to clarify the narrative and deepen the reader's engagement.
Overall, the poem has a strong narrative and uses effective imagery, but could benefit from clearer transitions and more context to support the shift in tone and subject matter.
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Obadiah Grey
Wed, 2024-08-14 12:34
I like the switch from the
I like the switch from the allegorical poetry through the ambiguity of "Her" to the concrete ending!!
Though, I have Drooolll as a distended drawn out word ( in mi 'ed) too.
A great experiment *Eddy*.
Obi.
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-08-15 11:53
Thank you Obi!
I am glad you could relate to this poem, thank you for the comment!
Ever, eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Obadiah Grey
Wed, 2024-08-14 12:57
Psssst, I'm English. (an old
Psssst, I'm English. (an old fart too)
I tend to use the word "whilst* as opposed to "while",,
I guess language morphs as we do.
Obi.
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-08-15 12:00
Hey Obi,
I think 'whilst' sounds better, too. I have been known to use it too. my family genealogy is: English, Irish and Scottish which makes me an American mutt, lol!
ever, eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Lavender
Wed, 2024-08-14 13:00
Roadkill
Oh, my gosh, Eddy,
Cringe-worthy stuff, here. One of your best.
L
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-08-15 12:02
;)
Thank you, Lady Lavender. I appreciate you!
ever, eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Thu, 2024-08-15 10:11
eddy...
your drool is showing! Love it! ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-08-15 12:05
;)
Thank you Geezer. How is Killer and the gang doing? it has been a while since they have written.
ever, eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Thu, 2024-08-15 22:06
They are...
"Riding in the back seat" as it were, of the wholesale murder and mayhem of the "Middle east". Frankly, they are appalled at the carnage and slaughter of innocents. They have never been just about murder and killing just for the sake of. The recent spate of killing just because one is angry, is something beyond them. They will continue their ways, and always be on the side of those that have been abused. I feel their restlessness, they will be around soon. I'll tell them you were asking. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Fri, 2024-08-16 07:18
Dear Geezer,
I look forward to their resurfacing with great anticipation! I am ready for the reading of a delicious story, lol!
ever eddy and his Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.