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The Grifter (a story poem)
The Grifter
Having no idea of how deep she was in, she became careless.
Falling under his spell, wanting more of his smoldering charm.
As her guard relaxed, she loosened up, casting caution aside
feeling her confidence grow, she felt would come to her no harm.
Agreeing to see him again the next night, he smiled to himself
she was falling in love with the dark-eyed stranger of her dreams.
The prospect of marriage was presented a few months later in time
presenting a mock ring of engagement, she knew not of his schemes.
He began taking trips away from home, short jaunts to begin with,
on business he proclaimed, necessary to their financial gain
he, gone for weeks at a time, she had maternal news for him to greet
arriving home in sever lassitude, from love play he did refrain.
He was not home when the sh!t hit the fan six months after their wedding,
shocking revelations were revealed by the pregnant woman at their door
the lady gave warning that this was not unusual behavior for "Him!"
taking stocks, bonds, jewelry and cash, leaving a woman in disgrace and poor.
She thanked the lady, inviting her in for a bite to refresh and a cup of tea
they waited for his return, but He spotted them in the window from the street.
He did not panic, but bolted to empty out their joint bank account, straight away
a familiar action he had perpetrated many times, he had this game down-pat beat!
His retreat had been planned ahead of time. He would escape to Belize.
Where he could change his whole identity, looks and manner of speech.
Like so many women he had conned, and would play in his thieving ways
They, like all the others, would never find him, he was beyond their reach.
*
Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2024-08-22 18:40
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The Grifter" presents a narrative that is clear and engaging, which is a strength in storytelling. However, there are a few areas that could be improved for a more impactful reading experience.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. The current structure seems somewhat uneven, which can disrupt the flow of the narrative. A consistent rhythm can help to guide the reader through the story and enhance the overall impact of the poem.
Secondly, the poem could use more vivid and specific imagery. While the narrative is clear, the descriptions of the characters and events are somewhat generic. By using more specific and sensory language, the poem could create a more immersive and emotionally resonant experience for the reader.
Lastly, the poem could explore the emotional depth of the characters more thoroughly. The poem tells the story of a woman being deceived and betrayed, which is a deeply emotional experience. By delving into the emotions of the characters, the poem could create a deeper connection with the reader and add another layer of complexity to the narrative.
In conclusion, while the poem presents a clear and engaging narrative, it could be improved by incorporating a more consistent rhythm, using more vivid and specific imagery, and exploring the emotional depth of the characters.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
Fri, 2024-08-23 13:04
Dearest Cat
Though I'm not a big fan of story-telling poetry, however I I have enjoyed the story. The title is well chosen as it makes it clear for the reader what is he going to read about. The plot is very clear and flows smoothly through out (though I had to agree with AI that a more consistent meter will help for a smoother flow) and tells the story of many women who have been deceived by such.
If I would suggest something I would suggest adding one or two line by the end to warn the other women or/ and tell how did the protagonist lived after that. How could she heal, but this is only a suggestion that is not necessarily needed.
Thank you for sharing dear.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-08-24 05:46
Dearest Rula,
thank you for honoring my request with your perusal and suggestions. I am still working on this poem. It is going to take me a bit of thought. (I wonder if I have written myself into a corner, lol!)
many hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Lavender
Fri, 2024-08-23 17:19
The Grifter
Hello, Cat,
A narrative poem. I have heard this scenario a few times, and you have provided much detail. You've captured the frustration and naivete of the victims, and the cunning ways of the grifter. I noticed you actually gave the guy a name, and I'm hoping this is not in any way a personal experience. If not, it might be best to not give him a name so that the reader stays indifferent to him, and he doesn't sway from being anything but a "Grifter" - if that makes sense? Tight rhyme throughout.
Thank you!
L
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-08-24 05:50
Dearest Lavender,
Yes! You make perfect sense. I will work on it. I always appreciate your input. Thank you so much.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
captain 2
Fri, 2024-08-23 18:18
Grifter
hello Cat,
This makes me wonder if it is a specific true story - either way, it will always be eternally true. I read somewhere that 3% of all people are true psychopaths, who survive by praying on the best most empathetic, innocent people.
I think the poem was very well structured and had a nice rhythm. I wish I could write like this more often. Well done!
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-08-24 06:17
Hello captain 2,
His name was not Jim, but he did relieve me of my coin collection of Indian head pennies,Buffalo nickles, Mercury dimes, Roosevelt dimes Liberty Quarters, and Morgan silver dollars. It was a small collection but worth a tidy sum. back in 1975. I have not invested any more time or money in coins since He was a con artist extreme. but he lost his edge when his new woman introduced him to the big "H" (heroine) She took him for all he had, while he was nodding out. I was glad to hear the tale. But the loss of my collection rankled. I am over it now. (I was not pregnant. I took liberty with the story.)
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Unca Fez
Fri, 2024-08-23 20:48
So, When...
So, when does "Jim" get taken? Looking forward to it.
Thanx,
Steve
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-08-24 06:21
"Jim" gets His in the above comment ^
I might try writing a poem about this subject, thanks for the encouragement!
*your, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Punkyfrewster
Sun, 2024-08-25 17:19
Grifter
I enjoyed reading this poem! For the most part, the rhythm is tight; however, there are a couple of places where the wording is stilted. Overall, very nice! I also liked that the rhyming was not heavy-handed.
Candlewitch
Mon, 2024-08-26 07:41
hello, Punky!
thank you for reading and commenting on this poem. If you would tell me what the rough parts that were clunky, it would help me. I appreciate your attention to this piece.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.