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Red Thread (Write a love poem without using the word love contest)

I caught the way
your face lit up
when you saw me

I felt the way
your hand tightened
around mine

I heard the way
you spoke
my name.

I notice how
you pull me closer
just before you fall asleep

and how you
gently smile
when you hear my voice

Bodies entangled
I can feel your breath on my lips
and your pulse on my palms.

The floodgates of our hearts
opened to each other

You charge me with guarding your heart
as I entrust you with mine.

And the red thread of fate holds us together.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Red Thread" effectively captures the essence of a deep emotional connection without explicitly using the word "love." Here are some suggestions and observations to consider for further improvement:

1. Imagery: The poem utilizes vivid imagery to convey the emotions and actions between the two individuals. Lines such as "Bodies entangled" and "your pulse on my palms" create a strong sense of intimacy. To enhance the poem's overall impact, consider incorporating more sensory details and expanding on the existing ones.

2. Structure: The poem's structure is relatively straightforward, with each stanza focusing on a specific aspect of the relationship. To create a more dynamic reading experience, consider experimenting with the stanza length, line breaks, or even the poem's overall organization.

3. Repetition: The repetition of "I" at the beginning of several lines emphasizes the speaker's perspective and experiences. However, this repetition could also be seen as monotonous. To add variety, consider rephrasing some lines or introducing new sentence structures.

4. Theme: The poem's theme is effectively conveyed through the imagery and language used, but the title "Red Thread" and the final line referencing the "red thread of fate" could be further explored. The concept of the red thread of fate is a powerful symbol of connection, and expanding on this idea could add depth to the poem.

5. Language: The poem's language is simple and direct, which helps convey the emotions and actions clearly. However, some lines could benefit from more precise word choices or the use of figurative language to create a more evocative and memorable reading experience.

Overall, "Red Thread" is a strong poem that captures the essence of a deep emotional connection. By considering the suggestions above, the poem can be further refined and enhanced.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

this is! It has been some years, since my wife and I have slept in the same bed or even in the same room, [we both have medical issues that preclude it] however, I still make sure that we touch every day and I get my little kisses before we retire for the night. I think it is extremely important to retain those things. The emotions expressed here are not unlike the feelings I get
while giving and receiving the hugs and are quite like what you have written about. The feeling that we guard each other's hearts is very much the same. Thank you for sharing. ~ Geezer.
.

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very much for your kind words! Marriage is a beautiful thing and those little moments are what we live for every day. Its easy to go about our days and move past each other as part of a routine, but making time to notice each other and take part in those moments together keep the love alive.

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