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Prophecy.

I stood and watched the ocean's swell
When on my arm a hand it fell;
I turned, a stranger stood quite still
Wide staring eyes that brought a chill.

He commanded: "Look around" barked he:
"Tell me what it is you see".
Said I: "Rolling waves that billow white
That play on sands with orchestral might":

"No, look again from within your soul,
Let your eyes be a window for all that is whole;
See the dust of ages blow 'cross the strand
Sweeping in from a desolate land".

I peered again, and he was right
For across the ocean from eternal night
Sands of history stung my face,
Sands of hate and man's disgrace.

Sweeping in it covered all
Corruption, greed, all in the pall
Dunes,burning despair, piling high
A desert reaching beyond the sky.

Afar an oasis shimmered sweet
A haven from the furnace heat
Only a mirage, I see it fade
While all men's hopes in the balance weighed.

Then he was gone, the sea returned
Soft, playing on the shore,
But the vision seen haunts my sleep still
To see all dreams unfilled.

This was his message, his prophecy,
That man had no future he could see:
"Too late, Too late", I heard him cry
From a darkening void that filled the sky.

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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, titled "Prophecy," is a narrative piece that uses vivid imagery and metaphor to convey a bleak outlook on humanity's future. The poem's structure is consistent, with a regular rhyme scheme and meter, which contributes to its overall readability and flow.

However, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of its themes. The use of the stranger as a prophetic figure is a common trope in literature and could be developed further to add depth to the narrative. For instance, the stranger's identity and motivations could be explored, or the speaker's reactions to the stranger's prophecy could be elaborated upon.

The language used in the poem is generally effective in creating a somber tone and evoking a sense of impending doom. However, some phrases, such as "Sands of hate and man's disgrace," could be considered cliched. The poem could benefit from more original and specific descriptions to convey its themes.

The poem also tends to tell rather than show. For example, the line "This was his message, his prophecy" explicitly tells the reader what to think, rather than allowing them to interpret the meaning for themselves. The poem could be improved by showing the prophecy through the imagery and actions in the poem, rather than directly stating it.

Lastly, the poem's ending could be made more impactful. The current ending, with the stranger disappearing and the speaker left haunted by the vision, is somewhat predictable. A more unexpected or thought-provoking ending could leave a stronger impression on the reader.

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this poem really resonated with me. The subject matter is something I have been thinking about. It is always with me...I fear you are right; we are out of chances to turn it around. An apt title for your message of approaching mass destruction! my last thought is for the rich and how their gold will not save them...too Late...

You have some killer lines you have written. the flow is smooth, as it builds to the conclusion. thank you for sharing this poem with us!

much respect, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you Cat, you are always so kind. Alex.

author comment

Hello, Alex,
This is jarring, and your style lends the serious formality its message needs. The title is like an omen, and the imagery is haunting. I wonder, was it intentional for the 7th stanza to have a different rhyming pattern than the others? Interesting! Enjoyed this very much.
Thank you,
L

Thanks for your comments. I don't think intentional would be the right word. It just seemed to happen. I looked long and hard at that stanza but felt that it worked better than anything else I could come up with. Alex

author comment
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