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A Poem Without Love...

I think you're crazy, wanting me
but I'm not going to object
I want you too, can't you see?
This heart is not suspect

I've been watching you, seen your eyes
I want you to see this soul
Come on baby, take the prize
Come on, take this heart of gold

There's nothing here, I want to hide
Please don't be afraid
Look at me, and see inside
I'm not going to go away

So, I think it's going be for life
I know you're wanting me
I want you to be my wife
Take this lonely heart, it's free

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: A Poem Without Love...

Poem text:
I think you're crazy, wanting me
but I'm not going to object
I want you too, can't you see?
This heart is not suspect

I've been watching you, seen your eyes
I want you to see this soul
Come on baby, take the prize
Come on, take this heart of gold

There's nothing here, I want to hide
Please don't be afraid
Look at me, and see inside
I'm not going to go away

So, I think it's going be for life
I know you're wanting me
I want you to be my wife
Take this lonely heart, it's free

---

Feedback:

1. Form and structure: The poem is structured in four quatrains with an AABB rhyme scheme. The consistent structure and rhyme scheme contribute to the poem's readability and flow. However, the poem could benefit from a more varied use of line length and meter to create a more engaging rhythm.

2. Imagery and language: The poem utilizes simple and direct language to convey the speaker's emotions and desires. While this approach can be effective, the poem could benefit from incorporating more vivid and unique imagery to create a more memorable and engaging experience for the reader. For example, instead of using the common phrase "heart of gold," consider employing a more original metaphor to describe the speaker's heart.

3. Theme and message: The poem seems to revolve around the theme of love and the desire for a lasting connection. However, the title "A Poem Without Love..." seems contradictory to the content of the poem. Consider revising the title to better reflect the poem's theme and message.

4. Tone and voice: The tone of the poem is direct and earnest, which aligns with the speaker's desire to express their feelings. To further develop the speaker's voice, consider incorporating more personal details or experiences that would make the poem feel more intimate and unique to the speaker's perspective.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys the speaker's emotions and desires, but could benefit from incorporating more unique imagery, refining the rhythm, and ensuring the title aligns with the poem's content.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

that was beautiful. I could feel the love in it, thank you for sharing

Tiffany K. Smith

I'm still working on it. After reading it over and over again, I see that there are some places that it could be improved.
I am married to a most wonderful woman, and we have been together since 1980 and married since 1989. This poem is for the challenge: Write a poem about Love without saying Love. ~ Geezer.
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