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The Perpetrator
To all the perpetrators in this world
I see you in your distressed state
You are human, you are still loved
Once a baby, a child, a woman or man
Your pain is felt and understood
Listen to my voice!
When you used your force to
Rape, incest, beat, gas light, or a mixture of verbal or physical abuse
You clone another person, your pain may be electrifying
But it’s not permanent it’s a feeling of rush and adrenaline
Of you expressing and emptying your hurt and anger
Listen to my voice!
You need to seek psychological help
Reach out and call someone
You can change your pathway to destiny
But only you can make that decision
Listen to my voice!
I see you your naked soul, an innocent child before the monster
Your abuse stood old as a story tale
Till it engulfed you and bound your spirit
You may have had no one to turn to
It may have been your parents who were the villains
Listen to my voice!
Free yourself from this physical and psychological bondage
There are persons you can reach out to for help
Coalitions Against Domestic Violence, Families in Action
Counsel persons and change has proven
How about taking that first step
Listen to my voice!
Reach out to someone
Through the words of this poem, and turn your life around
Stop the abuse that perpetuates throughout the lives of others
There is hope for you despite what
The mistakes of your past do not determine your future
Listen to my voice and live a changed life!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Hi everyone let me know how can this poem be improved. Thanks much.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Depressed 1
Tue, 2022-08-30 03:36
Tough
A tough subject written about very nicely.
https://www.artofelpaso.com/
Warrior Princess
Wed, 2022-08-31 06:27
Hi Depressed, yes indeed it
Hi Depressed, yes indeed it is, thank you for taking the time to read this piece and sharing your comment.
Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2022-08-30 10:22
While the word...
Hearken is an intriguing one, I don't see it fitting here; and you used the past tense in a number of places. If you go back to using [listen] you will see what I mean. I would use it like this: "Listen to my voice". Simple and clean. A good poem. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Warrior Princess
Wed, 2022-08-31 06:30
Hi Geezer thanks for the
Hi Geezer thanks for the constructive criticism will change the word hearken to listen. Thanks
Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "
author commentWarrior Princess
Wed, 2022-08-31 06:49
Geezer the reason why I used
Geezer the reason why I used hearken is to appeal to the perpetrators as a warning to seek help and to stop the abuse as they compound, impact and increase the social issues in the family in various ways: psychologically and physiologically.
Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "
author commentTriskelion
Tue, 2022-08-30 12:23
Bounded
Should be written as "bound". "Intergenerational" would be proper as "intergenerationality" but is quite a big word. I would try to rephrase the line.
Your poem reflects a certain wisdom that in some situations can be difficult to maintain, so I send you a measure of my respect.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
Warrior Princess
Wed, 2022-08-31 06:43
Hi Triskelion thank you for
Hi Triskelion thank you for sharing your corrections and reading this piece. I have rephrased the line. Quite true the word is supposed to be intergenerational, so it was indeed an error. When you say "my poem reflects a certain wisdom that in some situations can be difficult to maintain." Thank you though for sharing your perspective.
Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "
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