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Free Spirited

She danced under the moonlight
with joy
She felt so alive
Even as she slept
Calmly through the night
Abuseful days no more
Now that she has grown up into a beautiful princess.

The universe poured her blessings
Manifestations of goodness
One by one they came
All the hard work of endurance
The weary nights
Thousand pages just staring bright
Education became the bridge of light!

With bated breath and happiness
At last to reap the benefits
She gazed at herself in the mirror
And said I am free at last
Free to evolve, spread my wings and fly!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Hi everyone, kindly share your perspectives on this piece and if it needs to be improved. Much thanks.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

At the end of every tunnel. Now you are ecstatically happy, refreshed and booming with joy. Nothing more than to hear good news after experiencing hard times of life.

You can now skip like a calf. The dark night is over! Now keep enjoying your new dawn. Tough time never last but tough people do.

Thank God you finally made it through.
.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

Jackweb thank you for reading this piece and sharing your perspective.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

author comment

it is great to see you writing about good feelings you are experiences you are having...I hope that those feelings last for a very long time to come!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Candlewitch, yes it sure will. Thank you for reading this piece.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

author comment

as a piece rejoicing in new-found freedom of going to college
or maybe graduating from college and moving away from home?

You have just a couple of little bobbles here and I offer a way to correct them.
Of course, this is your work, and you may use them or choose to use something else.
Your title is good, the language use and the theme is good, and it is smooth
from beginning to end.

1] Danced with joy
2] [Calmly] through the night
3] One by one, [they] came

~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Geezer, yes I wrote this piece anticipating completing my degree and basking in my accomplishments and hard work. I have completed my degree so I am very elated. Also, this piece is about freedom and the closing of one chapter of my life. Thank you for reading this piece and I greatly appreciate the edits.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

author comment
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