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The Loud Silence

She wept, she screamed she trembled
Yet her voice could not be heard
The beautiful smile shone on her face
Pushed her way through another day.

No one cared to stop
To ask, “How are you my dear?”
They saw her face and not her naked soul
They did not see the tears behind her smile
The emptiness in her eyes
The sadness in her voice
The pain that bled her heart.

An illusion of paradox between two realms
The reality and the imagination
A soul in need of healing
To feel again to love in-depth
Became a fragment of her own imagination
Clutched and wrapped into space
She drifts, she sways, she bleeds!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Hi everyone kindly share your perspectives or if it needs to be improved. Thank you.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I would change is the first line of the second stanza. [No one stopped to care] make it No one cared to stop! Otherwise, a good, solid poem about the fragile psyche of someone, who needs to open up. How would anyone know, if a person is in pain, if they never speak of it or show signs? ~ Geezer.
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Hi Geeza thank you for the correction and the edit. Thanks for taking the time to read this piece and sharing your input and perspective.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

author comment

…watching your work become more organized and congruent pieces of art. This one has a really nice feel to it. I mean, it’s very sad, but you’ve written something great. Always an emotive experience reading of your path back to yourself. The bar is raised now though, I’ll be expecting more greatness. No pressure of course!

Tim

Hi Tim thank you for always sharing encouraging words about my poetry and for taking the time to read. I am most appreciative.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

author comment

sometimes it seems to be part of the armor we wear, to only show our strength to the world. to hold the rest of the world back by an unspoken threat. I feel a kinship to your poetry, thank you for this.

always, Cat
ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Candlewitch thank you for sharing your perspective on this piece. I love how you put words to paper in a very eloquent way and how you view this piece. Yes, indeed it is true. Many feel at times I am always strong but indeed I myself have to wear my armour daily.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

author comment

Well done! I agree with Tim and am enjoying watching your thoughts become more organized. You do a wonderful job of portraying one's internal struggle through your writing. I look forward to seeing your work continue to grow.

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

RoseBlack thank you for your encouraging words and for taking the time to read this piece. Your comment is most appreciated.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

author comment
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