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The Unloved

The voices drowned my cognition
“You are not good enough”
“You will never make it in life”
“Girl children are unlucky”
“I never wanted any”
Were the words of my father.

His voice remained like a looped record in my head
Bringing the repressed memories to reality
Feeling worthless, suicidal, and hopeless
How could a father utter such words
Being so cold to his own daughters
A monster I thought of him as a child.

Only to reflect as a woman
Maybe he was a victim
Too late to regret his own state
Maybe he never found the help that was needed
Perhaps, in his life the help was indeed never met
The voices return like demons on their own
Push me into the black hole cold as a dungeon.

What still remains is
An unloved child hidden in fear and rejected
Feelings of low self-esteem, and isolation
Creates the bond of failed attachments
Ever so, when struggles of life unfold
What still remains is an unloved child.

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Hi everyone, let me know where this piece can be improved and share your perspective on this piece. Thanks much. This piece is about the reality of child abuse and the psychological effects it can have on a child who never receives love from both parents or extended family. What happens as a woman, seeking attention and love from the husband or validation in a clingy way cannot truly heal or fulfil the loss of the love of a parent. Instead, its understanding how to cultivate self-care and self-love and identifying the value of oneself, before entering into any long-term relationship, then and only then wounds are healed and the process of the healing journey can occur. The Attachment theory explains this well, where relationships are not bonded in childhood it can affect relationships as an adult.
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Comments

Before I make them let me say that this one, of all your works, rings very true for me. My mother loved us very much, she told us and she expressed it physically. She was also verbally abusive and given to occasional physical punishment. My sister and myself were the constant subject of belittling commentary followed by professions of love. I don’t blame her. It effected me. It effects the way I deal with my children now and I’m desperately trying to break that generational trauma. It’s not easy and I know my mother was raised with physical and emotional abuse as well. For the most part I felt normal growing up. Now as an adult in a non abusive, loving, honest relationship I realize how these things affected me. That anxious attachment you’re talking about in this poem, that’s some really serious stuff. It permeates my relationships both romantic and platonic. It affects my job, chores, and hobbies. I’m anxiously attached to this website (if you couldn’t tell from my commenting on almost every poem). The upside for me is the overwhelming drive for perfection and validation I seek in everything made me a good tradesmen, writer, musician…the terrible down side is the anger and self deprecating monologue that “plays on a loop” in your head as you say. For me I have a hard time not helping people even if I’m exhausted physically and mentally. I just can’t sit with the idea that I let them down because my mom was “let down” by the plethora of inadequacies she invented for me as a child.

Now as far as the poem…

“A monster, I (thought) of him as a child.”

Only to reflect as a woman;
Maybe he was a victim;
Too late to regret his own state;
Maybe he never found the help that was needed;
Perhaps, in his life the help was indeed never met;
The voices return like demons on (their) own;
(Push) me into the black hole cold as a dungeon;

What still (remains) is;
An (unloved) child hidden in fear and rejected;
Feelings of low self-esteem, and isolation;
(Create) the bond of failed attachments;
Ever so, when struggles of life unfold;
What still remains is an unloved child.

The corrections are in parentheses. In addition perhaps Cat or Geezer could help with the punctuation. I’m sure all the semicolons are superfluous.

Thanks for sharing warrior,
Tim

Hi Tim thank you for the grammatical edits and the suggestions. I agreed Geezer did point out that the punctuation was superfluous as these were pieces I wrote before during this year and I forgot to remove the punctuation. I am happy that this piece resonated with you. Thank you for your insightful perperspetive and for taking the time to share your intimate childhood story. It was most appreciated.

Tim, have you tried reaching out to a counsellor to assist you with improving the relationship bond, in your life be it job, hobbies or family? This can help you as well, while it is normal to have an attachment bond in a relationship if the clinginess is not positive, where you can balance your life it may very well turn out to be negative, as seen in my poem. During the years of my abusive marriage, I lived through a clinginess relationship. It was toxic, and validation needed to come from everyone before I honestly knew what I wanted. This can break down a person's self-confidence, and self-value.

What aided in my healing process and overcoming validation from people is I practised self-love and self-care and started to do the things that I am passionate about, and took many solitude moments to cry it out, write it out and put in the efforts to change my normal routine to really start loving myself. The key factor is as long as you find your inner happiness this is a true start and do not only live to want others to make you happy, then during that small space, the validation will only come from you and no one else.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

author comment

Thanks for such a thoughtful response. You are a true empath and quality human. Kudos to you. I count you among the many many blessings I’ve been given. I cycled through a few therapists and found one that I’m comfortable with. I keep my monthly appointments religiously regardless of how I’m feeling. This has led me to start a journey of self rediscovery. I’d be honored if you listened to some of my music (links are in my bio). I really think you’d like the lyrics to “Healing Hands”, “Regardless” and especially “New Soul Review” which is probably the song I’m most proud of. I’m currently working on my first collection of poetry which I plan on self publishing. It’s all tiny steps forward.

Yours in repair,
Tim

Tim wow amazing, indeed I will listen to your song, and keep me in the loop with regards to your poetry book will love to read it as well. Counselling is truly a journey in itself and the first to healing is to really find a therapist that you the client are most comfortable with.

The steps and changes will come regardless of how small, it is only for you to be cognizant and self-aware. Visit my group on Facebook sometime if you wish to. The name of it is "The Support Hub - Support Fosters Resilience" as it is geared to various stuff that persons do not normally discuss to cope with traumatic pain etc. I am here for you if you need support at any time. External support goes a long way.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

author comment

And thanks you again for your kindness and light.

Tim

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