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Paths diverged

Why did you leave without a trace,
Leaving behind an empty space?
We used to laugh and dream so wild,
Now memories fade like a whisper exiled

I felt it best to find my way,
To chase the sun, not here to stay.
Our bond was strong,
but times have changed,
I needed different paths arranged.

But was it worth the bond we tore,
For petty slights and so much more?
I miss the days of endless talks,
Now lost in silence, like evening walks.

I cherish those days
they're in my heart,
But life moves on, we drift apart.
No anger held, no blame to bear,
Just separate journeys, unaware.

I'll cling to memories, cold and true,
Though part of me still longs for you.
Goodbye, as paths diverge,
Your journey whispers, a heart’s urge.

So be it then,
our paths now clear,
In life's journey, no need to veer.
Farewell,without a tear,
Our moments fade, distant and austere.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.


The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Paths diverged" effectively utilizes dialogue to convey a poignant narrative of two friends parting ways. The alternating perspectives between "Me" and "Old Friend" provide a balanced view of the situation, which enhances the emotional depth of the piece.

However, the poem could benefit from more specific imagery to further immerse the reader in the narrative. For instance, instead of saying "We used to laugh and dream so wild," the poem could provide concrete examples of these shared experiences. This would make the loss of the friendship more tangible to the reader.

The rhythm of the poem is generally consistent, which aids in its readability. However, there are a few instances where the rhythm is disrupted, such as in the line "For petty slights and so much more?" The rhythm could be improved by rephrasing this line to match the syllable count of the preceding lines.

The use of metaphor in the last stanza, "Our moments fade, distant and austere," is effective in conveying the emotional distance that has grown between the friends. However, the word "austere" may not be the best choice here, as it typically connotes severity or strictness, which may not align with the intended sentiment.

Overall, the poem effectively communicates a sense of loss and longing, but could be improved with more specific imagery and attention to rhythm.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

In a back and forth conversation such as this; I would delete the designation of Me and Old Friend:
The separation of them can be determined with the addition of quotation marks for the Old Friend.
The core of the story is shown clearly enough that I think it will easily be determined and read better.

Other than a few bobbles in the meter, this is a well told tale.
I believe the meter can be fixed without much effort, it is just a matter of dropping a syllable or two
and the rearrangment of a couple of lines.

How about:
Now memories fade, like tales exiled.

For petty slights and [not] much more?

Now lost in silence, our evening walks

Goodbye, as paths [do] diverge

Farewell, my friend without a tear

Our moments fade, cold and austere

As always, my criticisms and comments are meant to help, and you may use or lose any or all.
~ Geezer.

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author comment

It is nice to meet you, your poem blew me away. I think it is fantastic.I felt it resonate with an old memory. Geezer gives good advice. the only thing I have to add is to tell you to watch your spacing in your punctuation. I will be looking to read more of your poems so keep on posting them ;)

*hugs, Cat the "candle witch"

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