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The thought

Submitted by Mini on Fri, 2024-06-21 15:05

I am really terrified
Of the thought
That i maybe won't see
Your divane and angelic face
Hear your ethereal voice
Feel your enchanting presence
That though
Makes me feel numb and miserable
And tears won't stop flowing
From the brimming wells
of my mournful eyes
It feels like my shattered heart
Will stop beating any second
So i hope that won't happen
Even in my nightmares

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 06/16/24 to 06/22/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2024-06-21 21:10

neopoet's picture
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively conveys a sense of deep longing and sorrow. The imagery of a divine and angelic presence juxtaposed with feelings of numbness and misery creates a strong emotional contrast. The use of descriptive language like "ethereal voice" and "enchanting presence" helps to paint a vivid picture of the speaker's feelings. However, consider exploring more varied and nuanced language to avoid repetition and enhance the impact of the emotions conveyed. Additionally, the poem could benefit from a more structured form or rhythm to further engage the reader and enhance the overall flow of the piece.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

kowque

Fri, 2024-06-21 18:57

kowque's picture

That last line, hauntingly beautiful

Koki

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