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All you know

Submitted by Mini on Fri, 2024-06-07 19:17

You know I have a crush on you,
Yet that's just a fraction of what's true.
You don’t know I’m deeply in love with you,
Writing silly poems, all just for you.
You don't know that
My heart races whenever you're close,
Your voice, even in math,
is the sweetest prose.
You don't know that
My knees buckle at your smile, your laugh,
In those moments
I feel nothing but happiness
But after all you don't know anything
Im just a silly girl
Who has a crush on you
That's all I'll ever be
That's all you know

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2024-06-08 01:20

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Your poem effectively conveys the emotions of having a crush and unrequited love. The repetition of "you don't know" creates a sense of longing and hidden feelings. The imagery of heart racing, knees buckling, and feeling happiness in the presence of the person you admire adds depth to the poem. Consider exploring more unique and vivid descriptions to enhance the imagery further. Additionally, you may want to experiment with varying the structure or adding a twist to the ending to surprise the reader. Overall, well done in capturing the emotions of unrequited love.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Fri, 2024-06-07 21:52

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and puts me in mind of a girl I knew in 7th grade, I loved her from afar! Whenever she passed by, I was transfixed like a deer in the headlights. She spoke to me once... I stammered "Hi" and kept walking so I wouldn't fall down, because my legs were jelly. I like the innocent, almost childlike lines, I don't see where you might make this better, unless you make major changes. and I'm not sure that would do it either. ~ Geezer.
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tyro

Sun, 2024-06-09 13:13

The ending is on the dark side;, but the superlative beauty, and individuality of the emotions presented by the protagonist, shines real light on the poem.

tyro

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

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