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Goodbye
Goodbye to the dreams
That gently faded
To the love letters never sent
To the silent words
Left unspoken
To the smiles that weren't meant for me
To the hope
That lingered too long
To the ache of waiting in vain
To the silent tears in the night
To the fantasies that were never shared
To the moment's that slipped away
To the poetry written in tears
To the unvoiced confessions
To the love that was never mine
To the chapter that never began
To the story that remained unwritten
To the hours lost to hopeless dreaming
To the comfort that never came
To the voice that never soothed my soul
To the endless what ifs
To me passing next to you
To what could have been.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2024-06-02 10:51
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Goodbye" effectively captures a sense of loss and longing through its exploration of unfulfilled dreams and missed opportunities. The repetition of "To the..." creates a poignant rhythm that emphasizes each goodbye, enhancing the emotional impact of the piece. The imagery of silent tears, unvoiced confessions, and unwritten stories conveys a deep sense of regret and melancholy. Consider further developing some of the themes or images introduced in the poem to provide a more cohesive narrative or emotional arc. Additionally, exploring different poetic devices such as metaphor or symbolism could add layers of complexity to the poem and deepen its impact on the reader.
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Mark
Tue, 2024-06-04 20:40
yeah missed opportunities
Hello, Mini I read your poem and the reptition leaves you without opportunity to show us what you see in your goodbye.
As an example, when you write:
To the smiles that weren't meant for me
To the hope
Smiles never meant for this sadness within
Future without loving what may have been
You see? It takes a bit of work but can open up a world of possibilities.
Always think of show instead of say. Think in these basic terms - who what when where why how
Say what you desire to say, but then turn it into a show.
Stay with it Mini,
Mark
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Read/Comment it's a win win
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Lavender
Fri, 2024-06-07 13:09
Goodbye
Hello, Mini,
You've creatively captured so many of the sad and deep losses felt from unrequited love. When I read each entry, I can sense the heartache and emptiness. Perhaps it might be a good idea to expand a bit by simply using a different word or phrase in place of "goodbye." For example:
"Goodbye to the dreams
that gently faded,
the love letters never sent,
to the silent words
left unspoken.
I will release the smiles
that weren't meant for me,
the hope that lingered too long,
and the ache of waiting in vain."
...or something similar that lets your emotions flow within the words, revealing just how deeply you are truly saying goodbye. This is an innovative poem, successfully catching all the wonderful moments that will be missed - maybe let the reader pause a bit from the "to" thoughts, and join you in understanding how deeply these moment are felt. A perfect final line.
Thank you!
L