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Our Family Feud

When we were young,
lines had been drawn.
Less a friendly battle
than an all-out war.
It was always them
against us...
me (little Honey-Girl)
and our Dad, against
mom-Norma, Kathryn and Coral,
with black cowboy hats.
Blazing guns drawn
from toy holsters.
Something changed;
shifted...
When She hit him
with a frying pan,
I could see in Her eyes
the hate and anger growing.
I think he saw it too...
I saw the pain in his eyes
That is why he arrived
later and later each night,
until he came back not at all...

Style / type: 
Free verse
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I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
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Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Our Family Feud" presents a narrative that is both personal and emotionally charged. It uses a metaphorical language to depict a family conflict, which is a common theme in poetry. However, there are a few areas that could be improved for clarity and impact.

1. Consistency in Capitalization: The poem inconsistently capitalizes words like 'She', 'Her', and 'Honey-Girl'. While this can be a stylistic choice, it can also create confusion for the reader. If the capitalization is intended to emphasize certain characters or aspects, it would be beneficial to maintain this throughout the poem to avoid ambiguity.

2. Use of Imagery: The use of imagery in the poem, such as 'black cowboy hats' and 'blazing guns drawn from toy holsters', is effective in setting the scene and tone. However, the transition from this playful imagery to the serious tone of the latter part of the poem is abrupt. It may be beneficial to gradually shift the tone to better prepare the reader for the emotional turn.

3. Clarity of Narrative: The narrative could be clearer. The poem jumps from a playful family feud to a serious conflict without much explanation. Providing more context or details about the transition could help the reader better understand the progression of events.

4. Poetic Devices: The poem could benefit from the use of more poetic devices, such as similes, metaphors, or personification. These can enhance the emotional resonance of the poem and make it more engaging for the reader.

5. Emotional Depth: The poem touches on deep emotions, but it could delve deeper into these feelings. Exploring the emotions of the characters more thoroughly could add depth to the poem and make it more impactful.

Overall, the poem has a strong narrative and emotional core, but could benefit from more consistent capitalization, clearer narrative progression, the use of more poetic devices, and a deeper exploration of emotions.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I see it. I've seen those families, those so divided over nothings, and never to reconcile until death do them part. Then they will cry crocodile tears and chew you up the minute you turn your back. You have depicted it well, Nicely done! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thank you...I added another line...

*hugs, Cat

*
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author comment

I felt the same way. I wished for my childhood hero, or even anyone to come and beat my father up for the stuff he did.
I wished my guns were real. ~ Love, me and the boys, Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

When it got later in the evening, I would run and hide Norma's gun (for protecting her and us kids) I was so little! I am so very sorry about your father...

* hugs and love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

cat-
this is such a clever and well written poem about a sensitive subject. You handled the topic so well, thank you for sharing!

Thank you for your kindness.
every kindness that you do, may it come back to you three fold!

*Hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Hello, Cat,
Everything in this poem builds up to that compelling final line. So sorry your childhood was like this.
Well done.
L

thank you. I am not angry with Her anymore, even though she drove him away. and proceeded to torture me because of my love for my daddy. she was a very sick woman. Poisoned by hate and rage. thanks for your kindness.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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author comment

I am experiencing division in my own house at the moment and this poem spoke volumes. The toxicity and lasting effects are forever. I am sorry your childhood was so difficult. You are an amazing person and a strong woman. Well done

~RoseBlack~

If i m strong, it is because of my dad's influence. thank you for a wonderful comment!

*hugs, Cat

* do not forget me, the buffer who protects against home invasion, lol, eddy styx

*
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author comment

What amazed me about this family, was that Cat turned out to be the only sane one. I remember one phone conversation between Norma and Cat. I was on the other phone. Somehow the talk turned to Cat's brother-in-law and his abuse of her. When Norma realized that I was listening, she tried to backpedal all that she said. It was obvious that she knew what she had done was wrong and was now trying to cover it up. Kathryn and Coral were a part of the cover up. I'm glad that Cat survived, relatively intact.

Thanx,
Steve

Hi Cat, this is alarming and yet, you told your story so well, but OMG, that sad last line, impressive.
I enjoy narrative pieces, they give the reader an opportunity to try the poets skin on and experience a different life in all its gory detail.
Your poem was one that touched me. Like so many others who had a parent so wrapped up in themselves, they failed at being a parent. Well done with your exceptional poem. Take care and stay safe, Ruby :) xxx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

Thank you for reading and commenting on my poem. It is odd that you should mention the last line... my heart went thud when I wrote it. I feel that this poem needs polish. I shall work on it .

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Good poem Cat. I especially saw a great deal of depth in the last stanza

think he saw it too...
That is why he arrived
later and later each night.
until he came back not at all...

Yes, she drove him away with her craziness and hostility. I felt broken. Finally a judge settled the mess... thank you for reading and telling me your thoughts.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Hi Cat.

I've been away for a little bit and didn't see this poem. WOW! I truly feel the pain and anguish you write about. While I hope it was not from personal experience, I suspect it was, and for that I am so sorry.

From my 38 years of law enforcement, I've seen it all too many times but the thing that pisses me off the most is domestic and child abuse, which too often go hand in hand.

Sad poem but so well done! Thanks for sharing. - Will

Yes I was the little girl in the poem. I sided with my daddy and it changed my life. I learned strength and Courage and Loyalty. I was just dumb enough to not realize all I had to do is take my voice out of the battle... I guess I tripped over my Love for daddy.
thank you for reading my poem and commenting. you are very observant and kind.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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