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Once Upon a Dream

Submitted by Kristen H. on Mon, 2023-11-27 00:11

I grab your arms
And guide you to the edge of the sidewalk
As people from behind you
Are trying to pass

I don't immediately let go of your arms...
I let them linger on your skin
Trying to engrain in my heart
what your touch feels like

You notice my hesitation to pull away
And take a slow step closer
Gently turning me against the wall
Ever so slowly you let your body
Get closer to mine

My hands still on your arms
Your touch has marked my soul
You press your body against mine
And hug me softly
Letting our hearts beat together

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week November 26th 2023 to December 2nd 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Mon, 2023-11-27 10:16

Geezer's picture
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only part fantasy. Like a thing you might think is possible. Hmmmm? ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Kristen H.

Tue, 2023-11-28 10:11

Kristen H.'s picture

Something I know will never happen, though I want it to. I will update with another poem if it ever happens.

author comment

Geezer

Tue, 2023-11-28 11:39

Geezer's picture
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I see that in your work. Good luck. Now, go off and write another one in your own indomitable style. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Kristen H.

Tue, 2023-11-28 13:15

Kristen H.'s picture

Very much, Geezer. I'll do my best :)

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2023-11-28 14:07

Candlewitch's picture
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I agree with Geezer on all points!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Kristen H.

Tue, 2023-11-28 14:17

Kristen H.'s picture

so much, Candlewitch! You both are very much appreciated! :)

author comment
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