Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Mother Nature To Her Children.

Submitted by Alex Tanner on Wed, 2024-03-06 17:16

For eons I've protected you
nurtured, fed, given all;
My undivided loyalty was yours,
how have you repaid?.

Once, long ago I had your respect
you took what you needed, no more,
no less.
You thanked me and praised me.

But now, and I know not why,
through stupidity, avarice or both
you have taken advantage.
For affluence, prestige, luxury,

You have ravaged and raped me.
Your mother;
no respect,
no thought.

Drained the oil from my womb,
Threshed verdant pastures from my flesh,
ripped precious metals from my bowels,
Pillaged my oceans,
poisoned with pesticides,
beat me till I wept.

Now comes my final warning,
though I fear it be too late,
my power to heal decreases,
can you avoid the fate?

As I cleanse my world with fire
to scorch and cure my wounds
I wash my face with torrents
freeze bruises swollen blue.

So heed this my final warning
mankind's doom approaches fast,
I shall not weep as it descends.
Neither shall I laugh.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
Earn A Poem Workshop 1
Contest: 
Mother Nature
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2024-03-06 23:20

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively uses personification to convey the voice of Mother Nature, which allows for a strong emotional connection with the reader. The use of vivid imagery such as "drained the oil from my womb", "threshed verdant pastures from my flesh", and "ripped precious metals from my bowels" is powerful and evokes a sense of the damage done to the Earth.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent meter and rhyme scheme to enhance the flow and rhythm. The current structure is somewhat irregular, which may disrupt the reader's engagement.

The tone of the poem is consistent, and the use of language is effective in conveying the severity of the situation. The final warning from Mother Nature is a compelling call to action, although it could be more impactful if it was more specific or if it suggested a potential solution or change in behavior.

The poem could also benefit from more varied sentence structures to keep the reader engaged. Currently, most sentences start with "You have" or "I have", which can become repetitive.

Lastly, the poem could explore more deeply the reasons for mankind's actions. Currently, it only mentions "stupidity, avarice or both", but further exploration could add depth and complexity to the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

Wed, 2024-03-06 17:25

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

you have said what I could not. you have voiced my thoughts! I think most of mankind is a disease and will not overcome their greed and stupidity because it is always "Me First!"

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Alex Tanner

Sat, 2024-03-09 06:47

Alex Tanner's picture

It may be because I read so much Sci-Fi that I found this fairly easy to write. Freestyle is not my usual style but I enjoyed putting pen to paper (Fingers to Keyboard). There will be survivors when the apocalypse comes but I fear it will be the wrong people. Alex

author comment

Geezer

Wed, 2024-03-06 19:18

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

I have had those very thoughts for a long time! I have yet to see a country so rich as ours, and so stupid. You have mmade it clear from Mom's view, that we are just fleas on her dog. Time for a bath Fido!
I see that you couldn't resist a little rhyming at the end! Lol ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Alex Tanner

Sat, 2024-03-09 06:51

Alex Tanner's picture

Stupidity seems to rule at the moment with no sign of common sense. I tried hard not to get anything to rhyme. I read as much as I could online about freestyle and nowhere could I find anything to say it was taboo. And I just could not think how to write that bit without rhyming. Any suggestions you have will be welcome. Alex

author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2024-03-09 17:11

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

I was not critiquing there, just observing. There are no rules against rhyming in a free-verse poem! I know how hard it is to keep the rhyming under control when one is trying to free verse. My suggestion is to let it ride, I would have a hard time myself. Well done sir, ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Lavender

Wed, 2024-03-06 21:42

Lavender's picture
Volunteer badge

Hello, Alex,
Very well said. There is a short BBC 3+minute video called "What Would A World Without Humans Be Like?" which illustrates how Mother Earth will cleanse and replenish. But as your poem suggests, it won't be with us on board.
Thank you!
L

Alex Tanner

Sat, 2024-03-09 06:57

Alex Tanner's picture

My own favourite read is the novel 'Earth Abides', written in the 50's. A flu like virus that, in a few days, destroys most of humanity. A few survivors and how they develop over many years.
A wee bit dated but still a powerful read.. I'll have to find that video, I expect its on You Tube. Alex

author comment

William Lynn

Mon, 2024-03-11 17:13

William Lynn's picture

Hello Alex.

I thoroughly enjoyed the poem both in structure and content. The subject matter is one that both touches my heart and angers me beyond reason.

I wrote a poem last year titled " A World of Indifference" that you might enjoy, regarding the same issues. It should still be listed under my works.

Thanks again for highlighting this most important concern. - Will

Alex Tanner

Wed, 2024-03-13 06:37

Alex Tanner's picture

Thank you for reading and your comments. I have just caught up with your poem, we seem to be on the same wavelength. Alex

author comment

Tawny023

Wed, 2024-03-13 02:51

This poem should be sent to every environmentalist out there. I know they will use it as their war cry with green paint under their eyes and your words in their hearts. During covid I feel that Mother Nature finally had a moment of peace and was starting to replenish. Years and years of neglect can’t be undone in two or three. Typically as a reader we are to highlight one or two lines but this section made me want to cry at our greed and wastefulness.
Drained the oil from my womb,
Threshed verdant pastures from my flesh,
ripped precious metals from my bowels,
Pillaged my oceans,
poisoned with pesticides,
beat me till I wept.
-Alex tanner, Neopoet, 2024
This earth day I will read this poem while I plant a tree.

Alex Tanner

Wed, 2024-03-13 06:44

Alex Tanner's picture

Thank you for reading and thank you for your comments. It seems to have touched a chord with many. I am no active environmentalist, perhaps I should be. I tend to go with a line from the novel 'Earth Abides' and I paraphrase: 'Man has been steadily getting more stupid for years, I for one shall not weep at his demise.' ...Alex

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.