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Meditation

Submitted by Clentin on Fri, 2023-03-10 07:51

Meditation

Healing from within
Allows us to view our thoughts
And stop our actions

Causing us to act
Totally in a new way
While we seek some help

Creating a change
In the person whom we are
From one we once were

Providing our mind
With the time to understand
We can be better

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Fri, 2023-03-10 10:31

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Hello, Clentin,
A peaceful reflection for all of us, especially during this season. I really like using the Eastern structure to create an entire poem. I'm wondering if using "causing" instead of "causes" works a bit easier since all the other stanzas share that same tense. Also, third stanza, second line - perhaps use "whom" instead of "that."
All of your thoughtful stanzas embrace meditation and its lovely benefits.
Thank you!
L

Clentin

Fri, 2023-03-10 10:41

Clentin's picture

Thank you. Your suggestions do make more sense, thank you. I will make changes

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Geezer

Fri, 2023-03-10 10:32

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a message from one of those self-help things. Telling us all the things we already know but are too lazy to undertake.
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Clentin

Fri, 2023-03-10 10:58

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Thanks for reading my poems. I appreciate you comments

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Geezer

Fri, 2023-03-10 11:10

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I wasn't more encouraging. I think maybe you are about over the new phase of writing Haikus and maybe should undertake
some more esoteric messages, if you are to continue writing them. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Mr joghe

Fri, 2023-03-10 11:20

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Good write!
I really fall for the stanza 1 and 4 of the poem. Everyone can be healed depends on the matter of time and environment influence.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

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