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INVADED BY ROCKETS

Submitted by Jokerface82 on Thu, 2024-09-19 20:26

Exploding bottle rockets, sirens
detonating the darkest of blue blanket
starless night
a fusion of bursting brightness

of a Multichromatic flamboyant sky
and beaming jazzy clouds

Enrapturing kids holding white
hot glaring sticks making shapes,
wrapped up safe guarding mothers
gazing up filling their eyes with
pyrotechnic bursting missiles.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

09/24 Bon Fire

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2024-09-20 02:30

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "INVADED BY ROCKETS" vividly captures the chaotic and colorful atmosphere of a fireworks display. The use of imagery such as "exploding bottle rockets" and "pyrotechnic bursting missiles" effectively conveys the excitement and energy of the scene. The contrast between the dark night sky and the bright explosions creates a sense of drama and spectacle. However, there are areas where the poem could be strengthened. Consider exploring more varied and precise language choices to enhance the sensory experience for the reader. Additionally, pay attention to the flow and structure of the poem to ensure a smooth and cohesive progression of ideas. Overall, with some refinement, this poem has the potential to create a more immersive and engaging depiction of a fireworks show.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rula

Sat, 2024-09-21 11:24

Quite energetic.language use

Quite energetic.language use and rhythm that go hand in hand to show the beauty of the fireworks.
I especially like the closing stanza
Enrapturing kids holding white
hot glaring sticks making shapes,
wrapped up safe guarding mothers
Gazing up filling their eyes with
pyrotechic bursting missiles.

P.s. I think you wanted pyrotechnic in the last line.
I also believe for the night sky (black) suites better than blue.
Just my thoughts.
Already enjoyed.
Thank you for sharing!

❤❤❤❤❤❤