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Lost at sea

Submitted by Jokerface82 on Sun, 2024-09-01 18:32

Rolling waves of salt white throth spluttering
from the mouth of the ocean mirror, hooded magic cape
hiding distant treasures, Pantagrams of fastened
silver into the black sky roof like spilled coins

Glimmering like lost beacons trying
to guide lost ships looking for drowned
Wooden cousins

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Rough
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 09/01/24 to 09/07/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-09-02 00:32

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The imagery in your poem is vivid and evocative, creating a sense of mystery and adventure. The use of metaphors like "hooded magic cape" and "Pantagrams of fastened silver" adds depth to the description of the sea. However, there are some areas where the poem could be strengthened. Consider refining the structure and flow of the poem to enhance the overall impact. Additionally, providing more clarity in the transition between different images and ideas could help the reader better follow the narrative. Keep exploring and refining your poetic voice to further develop the emotional resonance of your work.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Triskelion

Mon, 2024-09-02 21:13

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...you again. Nautical themes really put the wind in my sails. Haha. Would be great to read some more! Your description of the starry sky is pretty cool.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Jokerface82

Tue, 2024-09-03 07:36

Jokerface82's picture

Thank you brother

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