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An Inspired Limerick
It's scary how sexting's a craze
it's different, how genX was raised
I propose STD's
won't affect many Z's
but the B's will precede the genA's
Version II
It's scary how sexting's a craze
so inane from how genX was raised
I expect STD's
won't affect many Z's
but the B's will precede the genA's!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Just a little fun inspired by the contest, not for the contest. I imagine a Freudian voice reciting this one. Thanks for reading! Edit...Found a new word that might satisfy Rula's point.
Cheers!
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
Lake Simcoe Canada
Favorite Poets
Poe, Frost, E.B. Browning, Theodor Seuss Geisel
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Comments
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-07-18 15:55
LOL
Very clever! I like it.
*Cat
p.s.
because of your influence, I have as of lately, been writing poetry in verse, rather than free verse. thank you!
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Triskelion
Thu, 2024-07-18 16:17
Hi Cat!
...glad you liked it. I do love limericks, but especially if they collide with certain qualities. I think I got lucky on this one, so posted it.
I can think of no better place than Neopoet to practice and develop structured poems. Many sites don't have much in the way of support and usually ignore or discourage it. I hope I can help you. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment!
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
author commentRula
Fri, 2024-07-19 03:03
I like limericks too
I thought adding "from" to line 2 could smooth the rhythm
it's different (from) how genX was raised
Just this and much appreciation for sharing.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Triskelion
Fri, 2024-07-19 04:32
Hi Rula!
...and thanks for reading my limerick. I appreciate your comment regarding the flow in L2. I'm assuming flow means the same as metre here...As it is, it (arguably) has one more syllable than it should depending how you read the word "different". If read diff'rent, it meets the 8 syllable count of the first line. Adversely, it has 3 syllables, which is one more.
The addition of the word "from" would add another syllable again, and it appears to knock the line out of anapestic metre....(rambling again)
After reading your advice, I tried to find a workaround since the word "from" does seem to be missing grammatically, but trying to be politically correct, but I didn't find anything suitable. I did add a comma there to (I think) justify the context, though.
Suggestions are always welcome, of course. It's how we grow as a community.!
Cheers!
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
author commentRula
Fri, 2024-07-19 05:33
Yeah
It's always about the syllable count, and the En/Am. Accent differences. I think that comma did the job.
Always happy to be helpful.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Triskelion
Fri, 2024-07-19 15:26
Okay...
...so I put another version of it up. Let me know which you prefer, and I'll trash the other one. Thanks for challenging me, Rula.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
author commentRula
Fri, 2024-07-19 16:35
Sir Thomas
If we are talking about the rhythm, I think the second version works perfectly, but please don't trash any. See what others have to say. I like both and won't sacrifice any.
I bow for your talent.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Lavender
Fri, 2024-07-19 08:51
An Inspired Limerick
Big grin, here! I'm not only always impressed with your limerick talent, but kinda flabbergasted with the way your mind works!
L
Triskelion
Fri, 2024-07-19 09:06
Hi Lavender
...That picture was just begging for a limerick. Haha...sometimes I think the way my mind works puts some of my poetry out of reach for some people...i'm never quite sure if that's good or bad, though..lol.
Thanks for reading and leaving a comment! I appreciate it.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
author commentLavender
Sun, 2024-07-21 01:18
Hello, Thomas,
I think a quick mind like yours must be near genius!
L
Triskelion
Sat, 2024-08-17 09:09
genius...
...is such a...so...what word am I looking for???...never mind. It's not me anyway, but thank you.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
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