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I Saw You in a Dream

Submitted by Kristen H. on Sat, 2022-07-02 23:09

I saw you in a dream.

Not a nighttime,
out of my control
let my subconscious take hold
of me kind of dream.

More like a daydream,
a flash of a scene
that never really happened,
not really.

A scene where I lay on a slab.
Marble and grey.

You stand at my head
looking down at me.
I am flirting with my reaper.
My skin and the slab
on which I lay matching shade.

You caress my cheek with your thumb,
lean down to kiss me,
as if to say you love me.
As if to say goodbye.

Instead of a kiss
you take a bite
of what's left of my life
to taste it and take it
for yourself.

I wondered why I was dying at all.
Why it was you at my head,
why it was you coming to say goodbye.

How many times did you deal love
with cards of ruin tucked up your sleeve?

Deception masked by the caress of my cheek.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Contest: 
Neopoet Random challenge # 17
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Sun, 2022-07-03 05:23

Candlewitch's picture
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welcome to Neopoet, it is very nice to meet you! if you have any questions, or are in need of assistance, please just ask any Advocate, including me and we will do our best to help you. you are very welcome here.

I found these lines chilling:

Instead of a kiss
you take a bite
of what's left of my life
to taste it and take it
for yourself.

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Kristen H.

Sun, 2022-07-03 22:54

Kristen H.'s picture

Thank you for the welcome! I am happy to have found this site! Chilling is, indeed, how they were written. Thank you for commenting!

author comment

Rosewood Apothecary

Sun, 2022-07-03 18:36

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Cat or Eddy will murder you quite poetically. I’m bad. Sorry. That’s an inside joke slung towards a newbie. I am king of the dad joke. Ok, not really.

So I’m actually usually supportive and occasionally helpful. I can’t suggest much here. It reads easy. I love your imagery. Well chosen modifiers paint a very clear picture. It has a very classic feel to it.

“How many times did you deal love
with cards of ruin tucked up your sleeve?”

Are you kidding me? That is brilliant!

Welcome and great job.

Tim

Kristen H.

Sun, 2022-07-03 22:56

Kristen H.'s picture

Thank you for commenting! I am so happy that you liked it and I appreciate the feedback! Also, I am always here for a good dad joke, so bring it on! :)

author comment

RoseBlack

Mon, 2022-07-04 17:06

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At the hands of the ex, an emotion I think all of us have felt one time or another. Welcome to Neo. I enjoyed the chilling depiction of your experience and look forward to seeing more from you.

~RoseBlack~

Kristen H.

Mon, 2022-07-04 20:54

Kristen H.'s picture

Thank you so much!! I am happy to hear that you enjoyed it! I look forward to posting more as well! Thanks for commenting!

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2022-07-18 01:01

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I think I detect another Darksider! Glad to have you aboard; welcome and I hope that you continue to post as well as you have here. I went back and read the few that you have posted here so far, and am quite pleased at what I have read. You have a knack giving the gist of an idea in just a few words and the I love the lines:

"Instead of a kiss, you take a bite of what's left of my life
to taste it and take it for yourself"

I like your title, the way you haven't wasted any words and the whole thing flows smoothly
from beginning to end. Nice job! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Kristen H.

Mon, 2022-07-18 20:22

Kristen H.'s picture

Thank you for the feedback!! I appreciate it! Also, what do you mean by Darksider?

author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2022-08-20 21:26

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replied to this comment! Hmmmm... Anyway, a Darksider is like one of us people that write of dark and sometimes demented things. Also, could be one of the people that used to attend my now defunct, chatroom on Saturday nights. I called it Chat on the Darkside, people would come and sometimes we would just talk about ideas for poems, character development, and sometimes just play a game of some kind. My alter-ego "Killer" would sometimes host, and we had a good time. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Kristen H.

Sat, 2022-08-20 21:33

Kristen H.'s picture

Well, most of my poems would fall under that category. I'll have to come around sometime when I don't have a report to write. (They're always due on Saturdays and I procrastinate sometimes). Thanks for letting me know!

author comment
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