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Hidden Heart...

It's been so long since I've seen it
I almost didn't recognize
the visage of your hidden heart
lying there amongst the lies

I spied upon your emotions
I saw them through the boma
Through the castle keep, I did creep
as you dealt with the drama

Unaware of my spying eye
as you let your guard go down
Soon I fled, filled with dread
lest you fix me with a frown

For it is a forbidden place
no trespass is allowed
I lose myself in the shadows
back amongst the crowd

My excursion goes unnoticed
at least I hope it's true
For no greater crime is committed
than seeing the heart of you

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.


The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Hidden Heart" presents an exploration of the narrator's journey into someone else's emotional landscape. The use of metaphor and imagery is effective in conveying the secretive and delicate nature of this exploration.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of metaphors. For instance, the "boma" in the second stanza is an African term for a livestock enclosure, which might be confusing for readers unfamiliar with the term. It might be more effective to stick with the castle metaphor introduced in the same stanza, which is more universally understood and could be expanded upon to create a more vivid image of the emotional fortress the narrator is trying to penetrate.

The rhyme scheme (ABAB) is consistent throughout the poem, which gives it a rhythmic flow. However, the meter varies, which can disrupt this flow. For example, the line "lest you fix me with a frown" has more syllables than the other lines in the same stanza. Adjusting the meter to be more consistent could improve the poem's rhythm.

The final stanza effectively conveys the narrator's guilt and fear of being discovered. However, the phrase "no greater crime is committed" might be overly dramatic and could be rephrased to better fit the tone of the rest of the poem.

Overall, the poem effectively uses metaphor and rhyme to explore the theme of emotional intrusion, but could benefit from more consistent use of metaphors, a more consistent meter, and a tone that is consistent throughout.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

Excellent rhyme and it flows well throughout. I didn't know what a boma was until I read the AI's response. I like the line lengths, they add to the poem in terms of meter.
In this one line I think you need an extra word to maintain the meter? "as you dealt with drama" If you add who the drama belongs to, so your, my, our? Great poem, it has purpose and progress within a story, and it held my attention. Ruby :)

Commenting on poetry builds community, confidence, and comprehension. :)

I will take your advice on that line and fixed a couple others. I think you are right, thanks for the read and the good advice. ~ Geez.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

And so very true. No emotions can leave people who care feeling lost, insignificant and betrayed. Then there are days where I wish I was emotionless and could just walk away....


for your read and comments. Yeah, sometimes it would be better, but then... I think about all the days when it is good. I'll take the good and forget the bad. We can do that. ~ Geez.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

You have good that outweighs the bad. That's a positive.


Hello, Geezer,
Really enjoyed this... trying to see what is within a person's heart, especially when they are trying to keep you out. I noticed that S2L3, and S3L3 have rhymes within the line - very clever, and I felt like I wanted more of that pattern. Very nice!

for your read and comments. I have used that rhyme scheme a few times in the past, and as I was writing this piece, it occurred to me as I wrote, there was no thinking about it; it just came about naturally, as it usually does. ~ Geez.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

reading your poetry is always effortless for are a very smooth dude.
I find that in my passing daze/days, I am freeing up some, but much remains a flood of the hidden. keep on surprising us with your talents.

*love, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

[what there are of them,] have been augmented by what I have learned here at Neo. from people like you and all the rest of the great poets we have had here. You are one of the first ones that contacted me and made me feel like I had some talent.
You have been lavish with your praise and consistent with your advice. Thank you for your great friendship here.
You are one of the poets that I have always been glad to have met. I hope that you will keep writing and keep giving me great advice. ~ Geez.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment
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