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Happiness

Submitted by Clentin on Mon, 2023-04-03 08:13

Happiness we seek
Making life’s trials recede
In our thoughts each day

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Mon, 2023-04-03 11:43

If you are...

going for a Haiku, you need, [well, should have], another syllable in that second line. I would suggest:

Making [our] life trials recede.
Just saying. Happy thought for the day! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Clentin

Mon, 2023-04-03 12:23

Thank you for reading and

Thank you for reading and comments

I double checked the syllable count
It was 5,7,5

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2023-04-03 14:13

Sorry...

My American accent is showing! LoL
I counted [trials] as one. Ooops! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Mr joghe

Mon, 2023-04-03 16:11