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Encroaching Fall

Submitted by paul Bartoswicz on Thu, 2023-09-14 13:43

Days are cooling fast
gone the heat of summer
warmer clothes out
of summer storage.
Camps are closing up
put to rest for their winters nap.
In the lowland swamps
The maples are already turning
to shades of brilliant red.
The lakes grow eerily quiet
as the boats are taken in
and put in winter storage.
Hunters slip into the woods
in search of elusive prey.
Overhead the geese can be heard
on their annual trek south.
You can smell the changes
hanging ever present in the air
Wood smoke from the chimneys
as stoves are lit and fired up
to ward off the encroaching chill
Fall has come to my valley home

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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-09-14 19:44

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Encroaching Fall" effectively employs vivid imagery to convey the transition from summer to fall. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved to enhance the reader's experience.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter. The irregular line lengths can disrupt the flow of the poem, making it less engaging for the reader. For instance, the line "Camps are closing up" could be extended to "Camps are closing up for the season" to match the rhythm of the preceding and following lines.

Secondly, the poem could utilize more figurative language to deepen its emotional resonance. While the descriptions are clear and effective, metaphors, similes, or personification could add another layer of meaning. For example, instead of "Days are cooling fast", the poem could say "Days are shedding their summer heat like a discarded skin", which adds a more vivid and emotional image.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a stronger conclusion. The final line, "Fall has come to my valley home", is a straightforward statement that doesn't fully capitalize on the build-up of the preceding lines. A more impactful ending could leave the reader with a lasting impression of the poem. For instance, the poem could end with an image that encapsulates the essence of fall, such as "As leaves fall like whispers, my valley home dons its autumn shroud".

These suggestions are intended to enhance the poem's rhythm, emotional depth, and impact. The poem already does a good job of painting a picture of the transition from summer to fall, and these improvements could make it even more engaging and memorable for the reader.

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Lavender

Thu, 2023-09-14 20:45

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Hello, Paul,
After a long drive in the countryside today, with red leaves just beginning to show themselves, and now, sitting in a sweatshirt as temps fall this evening - I can really relate to this lovely poem. I believe my favorite part is the reference to the silence of the lakes. So noticeable, yet serene. Very interesting title. I both welcome fall, and deny that it's here at the same time.
Thank you!
L

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