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Effingham Sky
I stand in my field
Looking up at the Effingham Sky
In this dark inky blackness
I can see my old friends
The stars twinkling like candles
In the darkness
They once guided me
On my trips across the sea
Orion the hunter
Big and Little dippers
Also known as
Ursa Major and Ursa Minor
Watching over us
Now they circle over
My Effingham Home.
As morning dawns
The purple hues
Shine over the mountain maiden
And gradually blend
To the ever-lightening shades
Of blue
From the Cerulean Blue
Of the early morning sky
To the lighter blue
Of the noon time space
Dotted with the cotton white clouds.
Floating over my Effingham home.
The slowly gradating back
To the deeper shades
In the early evening sky.
As the sun sets
Over the western wood
Bringing forth
The vermillion hues
As the sky fades
Into the inky dark
Bringing back the
Sparkling dots of my friends
Over my Effingham home.
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NH
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Robert Frost, Walt Whittman, Emily Dickinson, Longfellow
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-09-01 20:50
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Effingham Sky" demonstrates a strong sense of place and a deep connection between the speaker and the natural world. The use of color imagery, from "inky blackness" to "vermillion hues", effectively conveys the changing times of day and the corresponding shifts in the speaker's emotions. The repetition of "my Effingham home" reinforces the speaker's attachment to this location.
However, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structures and a more consistent rhythm to enhance its musicality. The lines "Orion the hunter / Big and Little dippers / Also known as / Ursa Major and Ursa Minor" could be restructured to maintain the flow of the poem.
Additionally, the poem could delve deeper into the speaker's past experiences with the stars. The lines "They once guided me / On my trips across the sea" hint at a rich backstory that could be further explored to add depth to the poem.
Lastly, the poem could use more concrete imagery to ground the abstract concepts. For instance, instead of simply stating "the stars twinkling like candles", the poem could describe the specific ways in which the stars resemble candles, such as their flickering light or their distant warmth.
Overall, the poem effectively conveys a sense of longing and nostalgia, but could benefit from more varied sentence structures, a deeper exploration of the speaker's past, and more concrete imagery.
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Lavender
Fri, 2023-09-01 18:30
Effingham Sky
Hello, Paul,
A full day's view of the beautiful Effingham sky. That would be like never-ending poetry. I love the peaceful feeling here, and the sense of movement in the sky. Lovely imagery. The only line that tripped me just a bit was toward the end, "Bringing back forth." Wording seemed a little awkward, and "bringing forth" is also used just a few lines above.
What an incredible part of the country to witness the sky above.
Thank you!
L
paul Bartoswicz
Fri, 2023-09-01 18:48
Good catch
That was actually a typo error, thank you for catching it. There is so little light pollution here it reminds me of my days at sea, where the expanse of the heavens open up before you, and it seems like you are looking back into the creation.
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