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The emotion

Gentle, hand touch, shiver on the hand,
spoken words lost the war today.

Yet, thanks to You.

I am.

You are.

He is.

They, don’t

know what it's like when your clothes choke onto my breath.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

is about as minimalist as I think one might get! I would make it just an itty-bitty, tiniest little shorter, by taking a word out and rearranging the first line: "Gentle shiver, touch on the hand." I really don't get what you have in mind for the line; "They don't know what it's like when your clothes choke onto my breath". Of course, I may have the nuances all wrong, but that's for you to decide. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

i can only echo Geezer 's assessment of your poem. I don't understand that line either.

always, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Makes no sense whatsoever

you're taking the piss !

Obi.

I don't see that you have made any changes to this piece...so why is it at the top of the list again???

always, Cat

p.s
and why is it that you don't answer the comments you get???

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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