Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Echoes On The Wind
On a windswept reservation
Where bison use to roam,
The children sit in silence
On this land that is their home.
Their tribal elders offer wisdom
Born of years upon the earth,
Lessons learned through sacrifice
As others questioned native worth.
The atrocities are well recorded
Though history attempts to hide,
Broken promises and treaties
Designed to stifle the native pride.
Indian pride not easily broken
Yet cracks will show their mark,
The children try to understand
Why their future seems so stark.
We all might learn a lesson
If we could hear the elders talk,
Words of wisdom and importance
While in their shoes we try to walk.
They might ask us just to listen
To the wind and hear its call,
And to the silence as it whispers,
Then to our heart, as it knows all.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
History can teach and enlighten. It can also show the scars and past mistakes made along the way. We can hope that by learning the lessons history affords, we will not repeat the mistakes of the past.
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
ID
Favorite Poets
My favorite poets are:, Kahill Gibran, Rod McKuen
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-05-29 20:12
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Echoes On The Wind" effectively uses imagery and rhythm to convey a poignant message about the historical injustices faced by native populations. The use of the wind as a metaphor for the voices and wisdom of the elders is a powerful tool that adds depth to the poem.
However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved. The phrase "On this land that that is their home" in the fourth line appears to have a typographical error with the repetition of "that". This disrupts the flow of the poem and should be corrected.
In the stanza "Indian pride not easily broken / Yet cracks will show their mark," the use of the word "mark" seems to be a bit vague. It might be more effective to use a more specific term or phrase that can better illustrate the impact of the historical injustices on the native populations.
In the final stanza, the line "Then to our heart, as it knows all" could potentially be rephrased. The assertion that the heart "knows all" might be seen as a bit of an overstatement and could detract from the overall message of the poem. It could be more effective to suggest that the heart has a deep understanding or wisdom, rather than knowing everything.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more varied use of poetic devices such as alliteration, assonance, or consonance to add more musicality and rhythm to the piece. This could help to further engage the reader and enhance the overall impact of the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Wed, 2024-05-29 22:31
Echos On The Wind
Hello, William,
So well written and beautiful. Such depth in meaning and reflection, and a profound title.
Thank you,
L
William Lynn
Wed, 2024-05-29 22:53
Hello Lavender.
Hello Lavender.
Always appreciate it when you read my poems and for your kind comments.
Hope all is well with you and yours. Will
author commentRula
Thu, 2024-05-30 02:32
Hello Will
What a piece of art!
As I come from Palestine (my occupied Homeland), I strongly relate to every word.
My favorite lines:
The atrocities are well recorded
Though history attempts to hide,
Broken promises and treaties
Designed to stifle native pride.."
Those lines really speak the history of my Land
Designed to stifle [the ]native pride..
I would add the unstressed (the) for a smoother read
Just a suggestion sir
Well said. Thank you for sharing
Best wishes.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
William Lynn
Thu, 2024-05-30 15:29
Hello Rula.
Hello Rula.
You are so very correct regarding how history tries to whitewash realities when the truth is too hard to justify.
Thank you for your insightful comments and suggestions.
All my best, Will
author commenttyro
Thu, 2024-05-30 05:06
very well constructed and
very well constructed and pertinent. the title is perfect. The line lengths vary, but in such a dignified subject this is better as perfect line length throughout often leads to a sing song effect.
Tyro
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
William Lynn
Thu, 2024-05-30 15:35
Hello Tyro.
Hello Tyro.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, I appreciate it.
I agree that line length does vary and I try, without much success, to watch line length but I often write and punctuate the way I speak and that often gets in the way.
Glad you enjoyed the poem. - Will
author comment