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A Dog's Life...

His master's hand was hard, but gentle
and his heart was kind
they spent some years together, hunting
and read each other's mind

The master loved him more than life itself
the dog adored him more than that
Now his coat hangs in the closet
and the dog lies upon his hat

His heart gave out while at work
he never came home again
He spoke dog's name, twice 'ere he died
as though a song's refrain

Lonely nights without his hand or scent
bright hunting days no more
The dog lies whining, he doesn't eat
still watching at the door

Now both are gone, they say it's best
his heart just had to yield
without the man that was his life
they're now together in the field

When I die, I will come back
as a dog, whose heart is true
I can't think of better than that
least that's my point of view

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses narrative and imagery to evoke emotion and tell a story of companionship and loss. The relationship between the dog and its master is well-explored, and the repetition of certain phrases and images, such as "the dog lies upon his hat" and "still watching at the door," creates a poignant sense of longing and grief.

However, the poem might benefit from a more consistent meter to enhance its rhythmic quality. The meter seems to fluctuate between lines, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, the line "The master loved him more than life itself" has eight syllables, while the following line "the dog adored him more than that" has seven. A consistent meter could help to create a more rhythmic and musical quality to the poem.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from more varied and complex language. While the simplicity of the language can contribute to the poem's emotional impact, more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures could add depth and richness to the poem.

Finally, the poem's ending could be more impactful. The final stanza introduces a new perspective - that of the speaker wanting to come back as a dog - which feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the poem. It might be more effective to end with a reflection on the dog and its master's relationship, which is the central focus of the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

you have to be a dog (or pet) lover to really appreciate this poem....you have an old soul and tender heart. great poem, by the way. I am glad I did not miss this one. it is precious.

*love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

a dog lover! Always have been, and always will be. I have been known to greet a dog first, and then the master. Thank you for your generous and kind words. ~ Geez.
.

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author comment

Lovely poem and a sad subject dealt with respect and dignity. Ruby :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

I have a deep and abiding respect and love for dog owners, all pet owners, but dogs especially. Got to love their loyalty!
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Hi, Geezer,
A tender poem. No one gives out more unconditional love than our four legged friends.
L

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