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Daily Living

Submitted by Clentin on Thu, 2023-03-16 16:16

We often think about major events
And really neglect those that
Control our lives each day

Waking in the morning
Greeting family members
Driving our cars

Arriving at our jobs
Communicating with fellow
Workers

Purchasing goods at the super market
Buying gas and
Chatting with neighbors

Each of these events
Causes us to make choices
And effect decisions and actions

Daily activities and events
Provide us with the ability
To understand major events

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Thu, 2023-03-16 19:23

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Hello, Clentin,
This is a lovely theme. Appreciating the normal, daily life certainly is wonderful, especially when we've experienced both joyous and troubled times As I'm reading, it feels a bit like a list. I'm wondering if one activity in your poem could be expanded and represent the feeling that you want to convey. As a reader, I'd like to understand why waking in the morning is special, or how chatting with your neighbors makes you feel - going a little deeper in one area, but still focusing on that feeling of appreciation. These are my thoughts and suggestions as I read into your relatable, important theme.
Thank you!
L

Clentin

Thu, 2023-03-16 19:30

Clentin's picture

Thank you. I am happy to see your suggestions and feel you are right. Maybe I need to edit the poem and add elements to the various sections to show how everyday events really allow us to accept all events.

author comment

Clentin

Thu, 2023-03-16 19:30

Clentin's picture

Thank you. I am happy to see your suggestions and feel you are right. Maybe I need to edit the poem and add elements to the various sections to show how everyday events really allow us to accept all events.

author comment

Lavender

Thu, 2023-03-16 19:49

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that a poem is not finished until there is nothing else that can be taken out. We have a tendency to do the opposite - tell the reader too much by trying to explain with more words. Perhaps not add any more to each section, as much as pick one or a couple and go deeper into the way they make you feel - still conveying your theme. This is your poem, however. And your theme is definitely inspiring.
L

Geezer

Thu, 2023-03-16 23:47

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The everyday goings on of life summed up. We often fail to take into account these small parts, the things that make up one of our days. We need to be more mindful of how we spend our time. The littlest things can make the biggest difference! ~ Geezer.
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