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Cuts of the heart

I had three favourite, divine flowers
Roses
They were so full of purity and radiance
I was always next to them
Doing everything for them
One day I tried to water them
But all three cut me with their thorns
As I tried again they disappeared
They were in another garden
Not wounded
But I was bleeding
Their cuts ripping through my heart
Oh,but was this about flowers?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Cuts of the heart" employs metaphorical language, using the imagery of flowers to explore themes of love, loss, and emotional pain. The use of roses as a symbol is effective, as they are traditionally associated with love but also have thorns, which can cause pain - a duality that mirrors the speaker's experiences.

The narrative arc of the poem is clear, moving from the speaker's initial joy and care for the flowers to their eventual departure and the speaker's resulting pain. This progression effectively conveys the emotional journey of the speaker.

The final line of the poem introduces a twist, suggesting that the preceding lines may not have been about flowers at all. This line could potentially be more impactful if it was more directly connected to the metaphor of the flowers. For example, it could explicitly link the flowers to a specific person or relationship, thereby revealing the true meaning of the metaphor.

The poem could benefit from more varied and detailed imagery. While the use of flowers is effective, the poem might be more engaging if it included additional sensory details or more specific descriptions of the flowers and the speaker's interactions with them.

The poem's structure and rhythm could also be improved. The lines vary in length and rhythm, which can make the poem feel disjointed. Experimenting with different line lengths, rhythms, and stanza structures could help to create a more cohesive and engaging poem.

In terms of language, the poem uses straightforward and accessible language, which makes it easy to understand. However, the poem could be more impactful if it used more evocative and emotive language to convey the speaker's feelings. For example, instead of saying "I was bleeding," the poem could use more descriptive language to convey the intensity of the speaker's emotional pain.

Finally, the poem could benefit from a more focused exploration of its themes. The poem touches on themes of love, loss, and pain, but it could delve deeper into these themes to create a more emotionally resonant and thought-provoking poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Sometimes we do and do for others only to be cut and forever wounded by their actions. I love how you used the thorns of a rose to represent this. Well done.

~RoseBlack~

Great metaphor, I feel angry for love gone awry! Good job!

All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!

no doubt in my mind; this is about three loves.
Is it significant that the flowers are roses?
I feel that men are rarely represented by flowers, even roses that have thorns.
Whatever the meaning, I am sure that the hurt was real. Nice stuff. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

It's about ex friends!

Manja

author comment

I get it. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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