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Come out of there

I should not have, but I did
I peeked beyond the dust bunnies
And I saw what was hidden there
Indeed a monster is underneath my bed

A big mound of something or another
With vacant eyes that have witnessed fears
Sheltered and seemingly scared himself
As I shone light to catch a better glimpse

It was he that scurried to the other side
I want it to come from under there
I want it to go long away
I mustered up the courage
to coax it with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

It was the aroma in his left nostril that he could not deny
Worked like a charm to summon his curiosity
Now I have a monster atop my bed
Oh dear, how will I ever explain this to my mother?

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Come out of there" effectively utilizes a narrative style to engage the reader, employing vivid imagery and a sense of suspense to maintain interest. The use of a monster under the bed is a common trope in literature, and it is used here to good effect, creating a sense of mystery and tension.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. The rhythm is somewhat irregular, which can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it less engaging for the reader. Consider revising the poem to establish a more consistent rhythm, perhaps by adjusting the syllable count in each line or by employing a specific metrical pattern.

Additionally, the rhyme scheme is somewhat inconsistent. The poem starts with an ABAB rhyme scheme in the first stanza, but this is not maintained throughout the rest of the poem. This can create a sense of disunity and disrupt the flow of the poem. Consider revising the poem to establish a more consistent rhyme scheme.

The use of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to coax the monster out from under the bed is an interesting and unexpected detail that adds a touch of humor to the poem. However, the transition from the suspenseful tone in the first two stanzas to the more humorous tone in the last two stanzas is somewhat abrupt. Consider revising the poem to make this transition more smooth and natural.

Finally, the poem ends on a somewhat unresolved note, with the speaker wondering how they will explain the presence of the monster to their mother. This leaves the reader wondering what will happen next, which can be an effective way to engage the reader's interest. However, it might also be interesting to explore the consequences of the speaker's actions in more detail, perhaps by adding an additional stanza or two.

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the little flight of fancy, that surely stems from a child who wondered about the stuff of monsters; where do they go during the day, do they look different when it is dark, and are they really so monstrous? Bringing it out into the light and examining it, to see if I should really be afraid. This sounds like a story that should be a children's book. Nicely done. ~ Geezer.

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Hello, Tawny,
A fun poem! I especially enjoyed that the monster has fears, too. (Of course!) Peanut butter and jelly - life has some very simple, down to earth solutions. Love the title.
Thank you,

Love the title Tawny - good stuff! This was a very entertaining journey to the land of imaginary monsters from our childhood that we were certain dwelled underneath our beds. The only nit for me was the use of the word "intrigue". Maybe consider words that might fit better with the intent of the sentence:

- Worked like a charm to summon his interest
- Worked like a charm to summon his attention
- Worked like a charm to summon his desire

A few examples to consider or ignore. Well done - thank you!


Michael Anthony

What a delightful poem!

When the lights go out and your alone. Don't let discouragement
and loneliness get you down. Just breathe deeply and trust in
your higher power. You're okay, you'll be alright!

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