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Brave Brothers One And All

Submitted by William Lynn on Thu, 2024-01-18 18:03

The ribbons and the medals
Are meant to tell a hero's tale,
The stars of bronze and silver
Give note to bravery as well.

Come the brave young airman
At the age of only twenty two,
His citations spoke of courage
And the medals that were due.

My buddies and my brothers
At attention they did stand,
As the colonel awarded medals
He saluted then shook my hand.

Brave perhaps, but I'm no hero,
Real heroes gave their final all,
My brave heroic brother's names
Now etched upon a granite wall.

This day and every day since then
I say a prayer I hope they hear,
"Be at peace our nation's finest
Your brave souls are ever near".

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Contest:

01/24 An Act Of Bravery

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2024-01-19 00:03

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Brave Brothers One And All" presents a poignant narrative of bravery, heroism, and sacrifice. The use of imagery and symbolism, such as "ribbons", "medals", "stars of bronze and silver", and "granite wall", effectively convey the theme of military honor and remembrance.

However, the poem could benefit from a more varied and complex use of poetic devices. For instance, the use of metaphors and similes could add depth to the descriptions and emotions expressed. The poem also follows a consistent rhyme scheme, but it might be interesting to experiment with different rhyme patterns or free verse to create a more dynamic rhythm.

The narrative structure of the poem is clear, but the emotional arc could be developed further. The speaker's feelings about receiving a medal and their relationship with their fallen comrades could be explored in more depth to create a more emotionally engaging narrative.

The language of the poem is straightforward and accessible, which is effective in conveying the speaker's humility and respect for their comrades. However, more varied and vivid language could be used to create a more immersive and emotionally resonant experience for the reader.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more distinctive voice or perspective. The speaker's unique experiences and feelings could be highlighted more to differentiate this poem from other poems on similar themes. This could be achieved through more specific details, personal reflections, or unusual observations.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Leslie

Fri, 2024-01-19 04:03

William

Great job I am proud of you for more than one reason.
Congratulations on a life lived in honor and service.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

William Lynn

Fri, 2024-01-19 10:56

Hello Leslie.

Thank you for reading the poem and for your kind comments.

All my best - Will

author comment

Candlewitch

Fri, 2024-01-19 07:34

Dear William,

I like your spin on the title, it is well appointed. Your language usage is smooth and does Not stumble over itself. The theme is fresh, not often touched on. You caused me to feel your words with this composition. The rhythm feels natural, not rushed. I'm a sucker for stories of being n the service of ones country! I usually quote back to the poet my favorite lines. But in this case I cannot because they are all important to me. The beginning is just as important as the ending and you carry it through very well.

*hugs, Cat
p.s.

I notice the contest you have entered into. I also wrote a poem for it. I hope your poem wins, because it deserves to!

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

William Lynn

Fri, 2024-01-19 11:03

Good Morning Cat.

Once again, your kind words and critique are most appreciated. As you know, the poems that come the easiest are the ones that are written about our life experiences, both good and bad.

My military service as I have mentioned before is both a source of pride for the opportunity to serve, but also frustrating that we continue to b.s. ourselves that there are any winners in war.

Hope you are continuing to heal. - Will

author comment

Candlewitch

Fri, 2024-01-19 14:27