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Battle Cry

Submitted by infinite_dwarf on Sun, 2020-07-12 20:29

I am tired
Weary of the negativity
Exhausted by derision
Drained by everyone's hatred

I am angry
Enraged by systemic bigotry
Incensed by the two-faced
Furious with persistent insolence

I am an American
I am a military daughter
I am a first responder
I will not be silenced

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
Edited title Removed some "the" and replaced with better wording. Edited closing stanza.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

c lynn brooks

Sun, 2020-07-12 21:38

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welcome back
your rage is heard and felt
I felt this could have used a little more depth
I'm distressed by no title

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

c lynn brooks

Tue, 2020-07-14 16:21

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good strong title!

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

Ray Whitaker

Mon, 2020-07-13 06:22

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The raw energy of it really attracts me. There is sooo much anger in the USA, right now, that this Poem reaches out from. Bravo! It needs a title and perhaps a last stanza to take the reader to an unexpected place. Again, I like it a lot!

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Barbara Writes

Mon, 2020-07-13 07:57

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lovely poem. the rage was felt. I could only imagine what first responders go through in the pandemic. this gives a glimpse

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Barbara Writes

Mon, 2020-07-13 07:57

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lovely poem. the rage was felt. I could only imagine what first responders go through in the pandemic. this gives a glimpse

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Gracy

Mon, 2020-07-13 10:44

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Hi infinite, we've not met before. I understand you've been a member of neopoet for sometime. I feel your powerful statements and agree fully. It's a feeling held in many countries, but the USA is going through an extreme situation. I only have a few nits, the usual ones, don't use so many "the's". An example below. Otherwise, splendid.

Weary of negativity
Exhausted by derision
Drained by hatred

All the best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

infinite_dwarf

Sun, 2020-07-19 17:36

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Yeah, I'm going on 12 or 13 years. Took a major hiatus after the original site crashed, and have only come back somewhat recently. I hear you're very kind, and give good critiques. I'm sure we'll cross paths again!

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2020-07-13 18:04

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to all the rage and frustration of the American people. Reminds me of that movie where the protagnist yells: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore". Let's make it our battle-cry and get rid of all the denizens of the "Swamp". I like T-15's suggestion of making the last line your title. ~ Gee.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

infinite_dwarf

Tue, 2020-07-14 11:32

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I agree, less "the" need to be used.

Thank you, Gee - you actually just named it for me!

author comment

Geezer

Tue, 2020-07-14 16:10

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wish we had those here on the message board. I think we do in the chat, but would be great to have them here. Glad to help out. ~ Gee.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

Lavender

Tue, 2020-07-14 23:01

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Hello!
Your poem starts with exhaustion, complete weariness. I felt the weight of hopelessness. Then your poem moves on to anger and fury. I felt a surge of righteousness. And your last stanza stood tall and proud. I felt the strength of courage and hopefulness. Definitely a battle cry.
Thank you!
Lavender

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