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And Our Eyes Shall See Some Things
And our eyes shall see some things
Manifestations of magnificent beings
Riding in immortal splendor down on the sun’s rays
To show off their glitters like our mortal ways
It shall be then that we shall see these odd breeds
With their sacred beads and godly creeds
Finally step on these withered weeds
To play hide and seek with us in Armageddon
Perhaps, again on the ancient plains of Esdraelon
And we shall witness the death of our mortal crafts
When this technology man and his metal nest and rafts
Brimmed with screws and scraps and bolts
Bow to an ancient mighty sword and lightening bolts
Whether or not the darkness grow
Man shall lose command of his evil metal birds;
The military ravens and crows. You know
Those that fly into the airs and lay explosives eggs
Upon this hurricane and hunger invaded dirt
And it shall surely come to an end after the trumpet
For we shall witness this immoral hamlet
Have her dirty beauty shattered at that late
Hour; to end her matchless creativity and charm
That man has matured to relish and to hate
Because of the mechanic defects and their harm
And our eyes shall surely see some things
Appear from the skies in the coming days
Sparkling beings with flapping wings
Amid the glory of the heavenly winds
Although godly and worldly in oddly ways
We shall witness our own demise and decays
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Comments
William Saint George
Mon, 2012-01-30 07:28
Umm...
First thing is...wow look! Another Ghanaian!
Now to the poem. It's clear this is a Christian write, about the "last days". No problem with that. From my perspective, you concentrated too much on the rhyme. The poem read quite well, but it was clear (at least, to me) that the rhyme was forced. I think it will do better without rhyme. It gets in the way of your message.
It was the title that drew me in. It works well for me.
One more thing: please punctuate. It helps the reader immensely. I'll go look up "Esdraelon" now...
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
WonderGolly
Mon, 2012-01-30 13:26
William Saint George,,,,,
First thing is.... yep! Another Ghanaian for sure!
Now to the poem. thanks for reading this piece.
I share in your comment; some of the rhymes were forced (at certain points). Nonetheless, the message is still clear, highlighting the much expected Armageddon - the end of all ends.
"Esdraelon"..... google it / use the Encarta Encyclopedia .
thank again for the read.
respects.
WonderGolly :)
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2012-01-30 12:18
Hello WonderGolly,
I found these lines quite powerful:
Man shall lose command of his evil metal birds;
The military ravens and crows. You know
Those that fly into the airs and lay explosives eggs
Upon this hurricane and hunger invaded dirt
Thanks for the read!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
WonderGolly
Mon, 2012-01-30 13:29
Hi Candlewitch,,,,
Nice to have you around again. I thank you for reading this poem. I appreciate it.
respects.
WonderGolly :)
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
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