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Into the Beyond and Hope to be Back
If they ask about me, tell them these
That I have taken to the seas upon the east
To journey west into the blank beyond
Where Hades kind go on their voyage
What is there to find?
Coldness and void
Weary feet upon meaningless walks
Ears but foes to the windless talks
Eyes entranced in a battle against the veils
Save my mental soul as it traverse the vales
Of these indignant shadowy regions
And the fright of longer darkness to follow
As sunrise seem but a crippled fellow
Upon the dawn, dying to shallow water blackout
Coldness and void; a gloomy hallow
The mind is on a desperate journey to dexterity
A metamorphosis of the natural into the supernatural
If it ever wakes from this hypnotic sleep,
I pray should sidestep madness and embrace sanity.
Going into the beyond and hope to be back:
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Thu, 2012-07-12 03:12
WG
This needs a lot of work to bring in flow and the odd word seems out of place like Dexterity which is the ability to use ones hands.
If you as you did in the first Stanza:-
That I have taken to the seas upon the east
To journey west into the blank beyond.
This seems as if your journey will be short and land will rush at you instantly.
The Mediterranean was a classic place to travel as after the Pillars of Hercules there was the chance of falling off the world as in the old days.
If your comp is as mine all the info you need is there if you highlight and left click it will take you to research of most things.
I look forward to your reply on this one,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
WonderGolly
Thu, 2012-07-19 08:17
Ian T
Frankly speaking, you have got me seriously cornered with this one.
I guess I need to do some medieval map work so as to choose
my traveling route more precisely.
but as to the use of Dexterity; I made reference to the Encarta Dictionary
Desterity : quick wits: sharpness or quickness of mind
Microsoft® Encarta® 2009. © 1993-2008 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
in anyway, thank you very much for the read and I appreciate your comment.
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2014-03-21 08:11
I love your use of language here
and the tone is painted as eerily accurately as an opiated Romantic.
I offer you my reading of it.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s13gnW3UIdH2
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
WonderGolly
Fri, 2014-03-28 08:29
thanks very much for the read
thanks very much for the read. took a wild plunge with this poem. I tried to fuse Dreams, imaginations 'insanity' and hypnosis into one.
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2014-04-04 06:07
My reply must have got lost in the crash
You were successful in this brave experiment. It is a rare fusion.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry