Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Feast of an Apple Bite
Asked by them that shaped him
Out of the clay of a garden,
To dream big beyond the spheres and stars
All he dreamt of left him with eternal scars
For after partaking in a feast of a single apple bite
Whiles romancing an enchantress under a strange fig tree
Paradise mightiest cast him out of sight
To savour the harshness throes of the night
In a world that welcomed him warmly
With a cloak woven from his own curses.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Candlewitch
Tue, 2012-05-22 13:14
Hello Wonder Golly,
From this I get you are writing of the creation of man and his temptation. Very well done. Creative title! I cannot find a word or line I would change. I really liked this:
To savour the harshness throes of the night
In a world that welcomed him warmly
With a cloak woven from his own curses.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
WonderGolly
Fri, 2012-06-01 14:34
Candlewitch, hi
how you been? thanks for identifying with this piece and I appreciate your comments. Was reading the creation story one time and thought I wove a few word about it into poetry. Thanks again.
I apologize for taken long to respond. I having troubles coming online - inconveniences in time. but I promise, as soon as I find some firm footing. I'll bounce right back. lolz. Stay blessed.
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author comment