Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
A Stranger Knocking:
Knock, knock… knocking on your door
I am the traveler from the steppes beyond the moor
I bring news with me for you from the afar shore
Knock, knock… knocking on your door
Something please happen
Anybody present to open
I stand tall outside in this cold
With frost growing beards on my chin.
Though I stand upon your sheen
With my tattered rags
That is all I have to brag
So do not shame me with disgust
I have come to your house as a guest
Look not upon my weathered self before you gest
The intent I carry to which you may fest
Knock, knock… knocking on your door
I am the wanderer from the fields beyond the moor
I come bearing tiding from the afar shore
At least show face and bid me to hold
And I shall be humbled to still oblige
Why do you not answer?
I am the nomad messenger
Journeying from one storm house to another
Doing the bidding of the masters
- Brewers of the storm houses of chaos supplications
Knock, knock… knocking on your silent door
Away now I walk back into the blizzards
With my ragged divination bag sown with the skins of lizards
Away I walk with your answered prayers back to the afar moor.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Ian.T
Thu, 2012-07-05 02:51
WG
This one although a good theme just had too many words in lines and your rhyming was stressed..
I think that a more gentle flow with your stanzas would increase the readers and comments, forced rhyme become either harsh or comical and tends to have the reader clinging to the last words only to see what's at the end of the next line. If I have time though I cannot deal with the form to a high level I will have a look at this one from the way I see the theme,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
WonderGolly
Thu, 2012-07-05 07:38
Ian T
I couldn't agree less with the honesty of your comment.
I had a couple of my friends read the poem and they confess
the theme was okay but the delivery, not so okay.
so, yeah, you're right. I need to work on my delivery.
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2014-03-21 08:22
There is a classic feeling to the structure
and I find the allegory as simple storytelling, which all the best allegory should be.
Once again, I offer my reading.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0ePOjnhGfcy
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
WonderGolly
Fri, 2014-03-28 08:31
blessed again,Jess. respects
blessed again,Jess. respects
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author comment