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Autumnal Ball (a prosey poem)
Autumnal Ball
sun dappled shadows gambol on the ground
swaying branches ablaze with muted colors
Gaia laughs
shimmering translucent mirth
she shakes her head tossing her hair
as leaves tumble in a madcap freefall
cavorting gaily in the swirling gusts of wind!
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
a piece from the "Mirrir/rorriM" manuscript.
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Rula
Thu, 2012-09-27 13:01
Wonderful Dear Cat
You've captured the best of our Mother Nature..
Thanks for sharing.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-10-01 11:58
Dear Rula,
Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment. It is greatly appreciated!
always, Cat
*
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Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-10-01 12:07
Dear Beau,
Yes! I like your line better! Thank you for the suggestion, and for sharing with me. I am always editing, until it goes to print, lol. Enjoy the hell out of your class! I share your love of Autumn. As much as Winter can be pretty in its white drapery, I hate the cold. And Summer can be heavy in its sweltering heat.
Always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Thu, 2012-09-27 16:49
I have to...
agree with Rula and Beauegard on this one. Great images, [ I get one of a redhead dancing on the edge of a forest, with the wind blowing leaves all around ] the personification of Autumn. Delightful! ~ Gee
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Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-10-01 12:10
Dear Guy,
I love your imagery! Thank you!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
weirdelf
Fri, 2012-09-28 00:13
Exquisite and beautiful penned
I do have a slight problem with anthropomorphic personifications sometimes. 'Mother Nature'? Perhaps a tad cliched? Perhaps 'Gaia laughs'?
Nothing proesy about this, fine freeform. Dig it!
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
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Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-10-01 12:14
Dear Jess,
Gaia is much better and in keeping with my beliefs! Very astute of you to make the suggestion. Thank you! How are you? I hope you are well. I miss chatting with you.
love, Cat & all
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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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Ian.T
Fri, 2012-09-28 04:10
Cat
A glimpse of Mother nature dancing into the Winters grasp, loved the way you penned this one, but, as Jess may say and did.
anthropomorphic personifications sometimes. 'Mother Nature'?
Mother Nature laughs
swaying branches ablaze with muted colors
seasonal scattered laughs
shimmering translucent mirth
shakimg heads tossing their wares.
These are just to stop those big words creeping in lol...
Thinking of you, Yours Ian
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-10-01 12:17
Dear Ian,
I am always interested to read your opinions! Thank you!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.