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Autumnal Ball (a prosey poem)

Submitted by Candlewitch on Thu, 2012-09-27 11:09

Autumnal Ball

sun dappled shadows gambol on the ground
swaying branches ablaze with muted colors
Gaia laughs
shimmering translucent mirth
she shakes her head tossing her hair
as leaves tumble in a madcap freefall
cavorting gaily in the swirling gusts of wind!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
a piece from the "Mirrir/rorriM" manuscript.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Rula

Thu, 2012-09-27 13:01

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You've captured the best of our Mother Nature..
Thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Candlewitch

Mon, 2012-10-01 11:58

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Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment. It is greatly appreciated!

always, Cat

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Candlewitch

Mon, 2012-10-01 12:07

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Yes! I like your line better! Thank you for the suggestion, and for sharing with me. I am always editing, until it goes to print, lol. Enjoy the hell out of your class! I share your love of Autumn. As much as Winter can be pretty in its white drapery, I hate the cold. And Summer can be heavy in its sweltering heat.

Always, Cat

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Geezer

Thu, 2012-09-27 16:49

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agree with Rula and Beauegard on this one. Great images, [ I get one of a redhead dancing on the edge of a forest, with the wind blowing leaves all around ] the personification of Autumn. Delightful! ~ Gee

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Candlewitch

Mon, 2012-10-01 12:10

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I love your imagery! Thank you!

always, Cat

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weirdelf

Fri, 2012-09-28 00:13

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I do have a slight problem with anthropomorphic personifications sometimes. 'Mother Nature'? Perhaps a tad cliched? Perhaps 'Gaia laughs'?

Nothing proesy about this, fine freeform. Dig it!

cheers,
Jess
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Candlewitch

Mon, 2012-10-01 12:14

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Gaia is much better and in keeping with my beliefs! Very astute of you to make the suggestion. Thank you! How are you? I hope you are well. I miss chatting with you.

love, Cat & all

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Ian.T

Fri, 2012-09-28 04:10

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A glimpse of Mother nature dancing into the Winters grasp, loved the way you penned this one, but, as Jess may say and did.

anthropomorphic personifications sometimes. 'Mother Nature'?
Mother Nature laughs

swaying branches ablaze with muted colors
seasonal scattered laughs
shimmering translucent mirth
shakimg heads tossing their wares.
These are just to stop those big words creeping in lol...
Thinking of you, Yours Ian

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There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Candlewitch

Mon, 2012-10-01 12:17

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I am always interested to read your opinions! Thank you!

always, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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