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THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN

Submitted by scribbler on Fri, 2024-10-04 19:29

November just passed through the door
and I can hardly get to sleep
Because I fear the night before.
I toss and turn, the hours creep.

Each shadow on the bedroom window
assumes a shape I do not want to see.
And every where my old eyes go
they perceive that which I don't want to be.

Finally my eyes stay shut
as sleep arrives with its own fears.
Dreams of a demonic slut
who screeches like long rusted gears.

And my pillow soaks with sweat
while joints ache from wounds grown old.
I wake although it's not yet dawn
Eyes close because night hasn't left yet.

And in the nightmares I fly north
To a swamp where monsters dwell.
Who all try to claim my worth
and drag me into their self made hell.

Their talons squeak as they reach for me
and their laughter howls with lust and greed.
All peace of mind prepares to flee
from beings of another creed.

At last the sun shines in my eyes
I turn on the radio next to me
then to my horror and surprise
I hear what I'd thought would never be.
Kamala is the president.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

10/24 Horror Story

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2024-10-05 01:30

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses vivid and evocative imagery to express the speaker's fear and anxiety. The use of metaphors and similes, such as "Dreams of a demonic slut/who screeches like long rusted gears," creates a strong sense of dread and unease. The use of rhyme and meter also contributes to the poem's overall mood and tone.

However, the poem could benefit from more consistency in its rhyme scheme. For example, the first four lines follow an ABAB rhyme scheme, but this pattern is not maintained throughout the rest of the poem. Consistency in rhyme scheme can help to create a more cohesive and rhythmic reading experience.

The poem's final line reveals that the speaker's fear is rooted in a specific political event. This sudden shift from abstract, symbolic language to concrete, literal language is somewhat jarring and may not be immediately clear to all readers. It might be beneficial to include more hints or clues earlier in the poem to prepare the reader for this reveal.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. Many of the lines begin with "And," which can become repetitive. Varying sentence structure can help to maintain reader interest and create a more dynamic reading experience.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rula

Sat, 2024-10-05 03:05

Hello Stan

Nice to read you again.
I'm not going to comment on what fears you the most, though seems we share the same :)
Two thing if I may:
1.Stanza 4 your rhyme scheme jars a bit from the ABAB that you followed mostly through out. Easy fix, (dawn yet) instead of "yet dawn"
2. Did you want September in your first line, or was it intentional?
As I said it is always great to read your poetry.
Best wishes.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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scribbler

Sat, 2024-10-05 10:42

Hi Rula

Good to know sanity prevails world wide lol. I'll likely do an edit later today and when I do it will be with your ideas in mind. You stay safe

author comment

Leslie

Sun, 2024-10-06 20:06

THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN!

There is no longer for me a worst nor best and I'm not content with living a life filled with doom and nightmares. Your fears are expressed intelligentlyand though Kamala may become KING! There is still sunlight radiating through the blinds.I believe someone or something will come to clear up all of this mess. Until then I carry on, though heavy laden and depressed. Our freedom coms in the form of our poems. where fear and hope is expressed!

Our dreams lost! Lost on an ocean of turmoil! Soon a solution will arrive! Until then I will write!

scribbler

Sun, 2024-10-06 23:10