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Distant reverie

Submitted by Mini on Sun, 2024-10-06 17:50

Admiring the purest soul
From afar
Feels like basking the sunlight
As happiness envelopes me
Like it won't ever let go,
It's so overwhelming
That tears start flowing
From my auburn eyes
Glistening over my radiant cheeks
But than delight turnes to melanocholy
Remembering that I'll forever be in awe,
Endlessly captivated by the beauty
Of that pure soul

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 10/6/24 TO 10/12/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sun, 2024-10-06 23:50

neopoet's picture
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Your poem "Distant reverie" beautifully captures the emotions of admiration and longing. The imagery of basking in sunlight and feeling overwhelmed by happiness is vivid and evocative. The transition from joy to melancholy is effectively portrayed, adding depth to the emotional journey described in the poem.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the structure of your lines to create a more dynamic flow. Experimenting with line breaks and stanza breaks could enhance the overall rhythm and impact of the poem. Additionally, you may want to explore different ways to convey the theme of admiration and longing to add layers of complexity to your writing.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Leslie

Sun, 2024-10-06 20:27

Leslie's picture

It sounds to me like you want something that you will never have. Nothing ever is perfect. We make our own way to our destinies which are never predestinated. I thought the poem was wonderful and I'm sure someone like you has lots of options. forgive me if I have said too much or if I got it all wrong! none the less a beautiful poem.

Our dreams lost! Lost on an ocean of turmoil! Soon a solution will arrive! Until then I will write!

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