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The Hazing!

Western Oklahoma
past the Caddo county line.

Raging bonfires burning.
Freshmen stood in line.

Football heroes screaming,
taunting them in rhyme.

Displayed in public nudity,
we witnessed heinous crimes!

Crimes of hate and passion
that never came to trial.

The couunty sheriff never came,
justice was denied!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Hazing!" presents a vivid narrative that effectively utilizes setting and imagery to convey a story. However, there are several areas where the poem could be improved.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter. The inconsistent syllable count across the lines can disrupt the flow of the poem, making it less engaging for the reader. For example, the second stanza has a more rhythmic flow compared to the first and third stanzas. Consistency in rhythm can help to enhance the overall reading experience.

Secondly, the poem could provide more context or detail about the events being described. While the current level of ambiguity may be intentional, providing more detail could help to create a stronger emotional connection with the reader. For example, the lines "Crimes of hate and passion / that never came to trial" suggest a significant event, but the lack of detail makes it difficult for the reader to fully engage with the narrative.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied language and more complex sentence structures. The current language is somewhat repetitive and the sentence structures are relatively simple, which can make the poem feel less sophisticated. For example, the repeated use of the word "crimes" could be replaced with synonyms or more descriptive language to add variety and depth to the poem.

Overall, the poem has potential, but could be improved with more consistent rhythm, more detail, and more varied language.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

This actually happened? How awful! I am shocked! Your poem is well written and packs a punch!

* hugs Cat xxx

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Yes this really happened to a friend of mine. Thanks for stopping by!

Life is not tragedy although sometimes painful. Experience yields its bittersweet fruit!

author comment

I am so sorry, my friend... xxx, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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